Mystic Life's Blog

I Began My Day With Receiving Some Growth Lessons

2012-01-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

I awoke feeling well-rested, grateful for sleeping 8 hours straight as I've often awoken at least once during the night. As is usually the case, I picked up my phone from my night stand and checked my email. There were many more than usual since ten or so emails were notifications of Google's new privacy policy (I don't plan on reading the details since I assume they're still not allowed to take my personal possessions or steal from my bank account).

But speaking of stealing from my bank account, I received an email from Mint.com (fortunately I'm still signed up at this "personal finance" site even though I rarely use it anymore) letting me know that my checking account was overdrawn. I immediately felt stressed out, and wondered if this was my 3rd incident of identity theft (the other 2 are part of why I don't use my real name on the web). When I looked into it, I discovered that my Chase statement balance was paid twice: once by me, and once by their auto-payment feature (since I paid manually on the weekend the auto-pay kicked in as well...something I never ran into before).

I called my bank from which the credit card payments were debited. I have an overdraft protection which would normally cost $35, but they said if I simply made a transfer from savings to checking today that the fee would not be applied.

So here were my lessons...

When I first found out about being overdrawn I was tempted to tantrum a bit or at least act fussy when I talked to representatives on the phone. Instead, I decided to stay centered and be polite. I've found in the past that keeping my cool leads to better results, even if tempted to sound agitated to "release" my frustration upon some rep who of course is not responsible for the problem.

Staying calm, the issue was resolved in 10 minutes, and it didn't cost me anything. In fact, I realized that in the future I no longer have to waste time manually making a Chase payment every month since it would be accomplished automatically. So what appeared to be a potentially big hassle was ultimately just the universe informing me that there was one less "recurring task" that I needed to deal with in the future. Since I try to "automate" things as much as possible to leave room for the aspects of life that I care about, the universe continues to guide me towards further "flow."

In retrospect, this incident was just a reminder that even when things look "bad" it's best to not go into judgment and emotional reactivity since sometimes things are just being "shook up" a bit to lead to more ease.

Peace,
Chris

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Premature Forgiveness

2012-01-26T20:25:00.000-08:00

As most everyone on the spiritual path understands, forgiveness can be a beautiful, liberating experience. When we are able to authentically let go of resentment it releases us from the bitterness we've been carrying, and allows for greater lightness.

However, I've noticed in myself and others that premature forgiveness can lead to systemic problems. We are told repeatedly that forgiveness is a "good" behavior and therefore want to reach that ability as soon as we can. And because of our desire to reach this state of mind quickly, we can sometimes cut our grieving process short.

While I believe in the power of forgiveness, I also believe in the importance of fully experiencing our grief. The psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross explained that the stages of grief involved denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (which don't always occur in this order, or in a linear fashion). I believe that the periods of grief in which premature forgiveness are likely to occur are the "denial" or "bargaining" stages. If we are experiencing a great deal of anger towards someone, we'll most likely recognize that forgiveness is not congruent. Similarly, feeling deeply saddened related to another's actions is not a time during which we're likely to forgive. However, if we are denying that we were ever hurt, or are trying to make a bargain to make the discomfort go away, it is possible that we may tell someone that we forgive them, even though we haven't fully grieved the pain.

If forgiveness is always a good thing, how can premature forgiveness be a problem? When forgiveness is used to attempt to jump ahead to acceptance in an attempt to end our pain, or to simply "do the right thing" it leaves us with unresolved grief. Anger or sadness which is left unexpressed can be turned against ourselves in subtle ways. It is challenging to grieve in a world that often values "a polite performance" over authenticity, so to ignore the unpleasant emotions of anger and sadness might fool others, but it won't fool your body.

Telling someone (or yourself) that you've reached a place of forgiveness might initially feel pleasant because of the spiritual/cultural message that you've done something good, but in the days or weeks that follow you may find that you still harbor resentment or hurt feelings. You might then suppress any uncomfortable feelings and tell yourself, "But I've already forgiven that person...I should feel better now."

Whatever you believe you "should" do, you can not avoid the process of grief. Instead of the act of forgiveness come from your mind, let it come from the wisdom of your body as the result of fully grieving whatever has occurred. There is no need to rush your process. Once you've fully felt through all of your feelings, the forgiveness that you experience will be more enduring, and less likely to lead to suppression, unresolved grief, or avoidance of contact with the "prematurely forgiven" person who still triggers conflicted feelings.

Peace,
Chris

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Surrendering to the Pain-Body Without Understanding It

2012-01-26T01:55:00.000-08:00

For the last couple years I've understood that when pain-body arises within me, it is best to just surrender to it, feel it, not judge it, and move through it.

Lately I've been "letting in" a new awareness: there are times that I simply don't understand my pain-body. Although sometimes it makes sense (such as when a disappointing event occurs and the pain-body results), there are other times when it simply arises for seemingly no reason...and there's no figuring it out. In fact, trying to understand it results in more confusion, and more pain.

I'm someone who typically likes to figure things out. I enjoy puzzles, games, and figuring out mysteries. However, I'm gradually realizing that when the pain-body arises, it simply doesn't always make sense.

Eckhart Tolle, the originator of the phrase "pain-body" states that sometimes it is old pain coming to the surface, sometimes we are feeling a "collective pain-body" that comes from being part of humanity, and sometimes even astrological configurations can trigger its emergence.

Clearly, with all of the various factors that can trigger pain-body, it's impossible that it will always "make sense."

I believe that my desire to understand its "cause" whenever I'm "in it" comes from my ego. It's as if I believe I can "have more power over" something if I understand it. But when my pain-body is present, it's ultimately not about conquering it so much as allowing it.

So I am releasing my tendency of "having to figure it out" and instead surrendering to a willingness to just accept that it is...until it is not.

Peace,
Chris

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A Brief Tale of Karma & Free Ice Cream

2012-01-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

Last night I discovered some ice cream that I had (up till that moment) assumed had not been delivered. Apparently while putting away my food from my last Safeway Home Delivery I didn't take notice of this delicious treat. I had requested a refund for this "missing" item which was quickly granted. So upon this new discovery of my mistake, I wrote Safeway the following email...

Dear Support,

After my last order I was refunded $3.00 because I thought I had not received the item "SAFEWAY SELECT ICE CREAM CHERRY CHEESECAKE". However, I just found it in the back of my freezer so I was mistaken. So feel free to charge $3.00 to my credit card.

Sorry for the confusion,
Chris

Then, today, they replied...which included the following...

We sincerely appreciate your honesty and for taking the time to notify us that you found the Safeway Select Cherry Cheesecake Ice Cream.

As a way of saying thank you, please keep this item free of charge. We anticipate errors like this will occur from time to time.

I've always suspected that honesty leads to good karma.

This incident proves it without a doubt.

Peace,

Chris

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A Trick for Overcoming Insomnia

2012-01-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

On my YouTube channel, I've created quite a few videos that address the topic of insomnia. Today I would like to blog about a new trick that I developed this morning which seemed to work very well.

When I'm raw from sleep deprivation it's a good time to test out different techniques to see how they feel. I find that if my nervous system is extra sensitive I can really tune in to whether or not something is helpful.

Today I awoke after about 6 hours of sleep. Six hours is close to what I can "get by on" but not enough to feel well-rested. By comparison, if I awake after only 4 hours, I know I'm going to have to fall back asleep to feel good within my body throughout the day. But with 6 hours, I find it's tempting to not bother to try to go back to sleep, and just start doing things (even though I know I would have lingering aches and rawness throughout the day).

Reflecting on the concept of "doing things" made me realize that sleep is a break from the constant barrage of doing, and that most humans don't need to actually "do much" in order to survive. However, we have innate biological programming that prompts us to always be taking action, and if I were a primitive hunter & gatherer, I would probably be more likely to begin my day after 6 hours of sleep in order to optimize daylight in my constant search for food. Survival through "doing" is a very powerful drive, and it lingers on in our nervous system even if we don't need it.

So this led me to reflecting upon how in that moment, curled up in bed, I really didn't need to do anything, and I wanted to pass that information along to my body. So I started to repeat this phrase, in my thoughts: "You have nothing to do, and nowhere to go."

I was amazed at how comforting this was. Now in my case, since I work for myself from home and have a very flexible schedule, this was literally true. I had nothing to do, and nowhere to go. But even if you're in a situation where you "have to" (assuming you want to get paid, so you can take care of your basic needs) get up for work in a couple of hours, in that moment you are laying in bed, there is nothing to do, and nowhere to go.

I believe that this message to ourselves can help "reprogram" that impulse to get up before feeling well-rested in order to survive. I suggest giving the phrase "You have nothing to do, and nowhere to go." (or some modified version thereof) a try the next time you'd like to fall back asleep.

In my case, I fell asleep relatively quickly, and slept for another 4 hours! So although part of me was tempted to get through my day on only 6 hours, my body apparently wanted 10 hours to replenish itself, explore the unconscious realm, and take a break from the physical world.

Peace,
Chris

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2012: The End of the World, or The Beginning of an Enlightened Era?

2011-12-31T18:28:00.000-08:00

As we enter this new year, a thought on the minds of many is "What will happen on December 21st, 2012?" Like much of the free floating information on the web, this date is connected to EXTREME PERSPECTIVES so I'm going to try to bring what I feel is a balanced point of view to the discussion.

One side of the "End of the Mayan Calendar" debate is a fear based perspective that the world will end. If you've seen the film 2012 with John Cusack (or even a trailer for it) then you pretty much get the idea. I don't believe for even a brief moment that this is our fate. First of all, the end of the Mayan calendar, to my understanding, was never intended to predict the end of the world. It is simply the end of a cycle, as we are experiencing tonight as we enter a new year in terms of our culture's most widely accepted calendar. Secondly, even if it was intended to predict the end of the world, since when has the Mayan culture been wise seers of future events? To many in the West, any other culture is seen as "mysterious" but there's no reason in my mind that their calendar has any more importance than any other culture's system of tracking time.

The idea of the "End of Times" has had a great deal of attraction by the ego throughout recorded history. The idea that everything is coming to a close allows the ego to stay in control through fear, and also gives people an excuse for not continuing to put energy into improving their lives since "it's all going to end anyhow." In other words, it's escapism. I recall a lot of paranoia in the U.S. leading up to "Y2K" with people even buying guns and stockpiling food...and it was all for naught. I believe 12/21/12 will have the same neutral outcome.

But what about the "light" side of this upcoming date? There is another somewhat popular view going around that the end of the Mayan calendar will serve as a portal to higher vibrational energy that will help the planet become enlightened. Personally, I don't give this much credence because I believe that evolution is a very personal process. If I only surround myself with people who are spiritual seekers who radiate authenticity and good intentions, it can be easy to believe there is some planetary shift on its way that will affect all of humanity. However, if I look at footage from some conservative Megachurch, or read about cultures that still punish women for adultery or for even being raped, I am reminded of what a longgggggggg way millions of people on the planet have to go before they're even close to enlightenment.

All of us sensitive types are tired of the brutality on the planet, and would love a shortcut to a peaceful world, but whether we like it or not, there are a lot of people stuck deep in ego, low vibrational religions, and fear. It may take them many lifetimes before they reach a state of peace and tranquility. So instead of waiting for an entirely peaceful world, I sense it is a more fruitful endeavor to find peace with the world as it is. We don't have to wait for a Utopian planet to feel calm within. We can simply continue to work on our personal growth and accept what we can't change.

One nuance to 12/21/12 being a portal to good stuff...

The power of belief is very strong. If there are people who strongly believe that they will feel an energetic shift for the better on that day, they very well could, at least to some degree. We are spiritually interconnected so the combined energy of the focused thoughts of many people envisioning more peace and so forth will have some impact. I don't believe the impact will change the personal karma of everyone in the world...but those who believe things are shifting are likely to feel something on that day. And, if that is the case, why wait til 12/21/12? Why not just tell yourself that personal evolution is possible right now, regardless of Mayan timekeeping? Why not tell yourself that change is possible on 12/31/11? In this moment we can grow if we believe we can and are receptive to inner guidance. Concurrently there is no need to expect all 7 billion people and their various culturally-influenced minds to join along. This is a planet of incredible diversity, and we have to eventually respect (or at least accept) how long it takes individuals to grow if they've been clinging to ineffective beliefs and values throughout their entire lives.

Peace,
Chris

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What is Genuinely You?

2011-12-28T16:52:00.000-08:00

For many people on a spiritual path, there is a period of "undoing" during which we recognize that we have been performing throughout life to get certain rewards from the systems in which we participate.

In order to differentiate between what is yourself and what is simply your participation in various groups, ask yourself the following questions:

1. How am I not participating in the rules of my family of origin?
2. In what ways do I disagree with mainstream culture?
3. How do I differ from my community, friends, co-workers?

If you have a hard time finding anything unique about how you're living your life outside of established systems, that may be a sign that you're spending too much energy performing roles in order to fit in. Of course, there may be overlap between your authenticity and certain systems (perhaps your parents went to the same college as you chose, but you decided to go there because it best fit your desires...not because it was expected of you).

Often times we find ourselves in systems that give us an opportunity to define ourselves through contrast. For example, you may be born into a very conservative family, in a geographical region that generally embraces what they call "family values" so that you can better figure out who you really are by observing what you are not. You may synchronistically find yourself in situations where you can witness the dysfunction of the old paradigm so that you may more clearly envision ways in which you would like to embrace new thinking.

To become more authentic, reflect upon which of your behaviors are motivated by fear. The fear of rejection, isolation, or judgment may be keeping you in your roles. However, the rewards that come from a disingenuous performance will never satiate you, even if it feels comforting to receive approval.

Attaining a peaceful, congruent mind only arrives when who we truly are is aligned with how we're "showing up" in the world.

Peace,
Chris

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Empaths & Mindfulness About The Entertainment We Choose

2011-12-19T16:35:00.000-08:00

I haven't watched a horror film for years. Before I was an empath I loved scary films. It was fun to be startled or even shocked. When I was more armored, anything that made me feel "something" was entertaining.

I still enjoy suspense, thrillers, and action genres if they're well-written. So I apparently don't mind being over-stimulated to a degree. But I'm no longer looking to be frightened as much as I used to be.

Recently I've been realizing that another "genre" isn't really working for me: depressing stories! I used to study film and was always on the lookout for great cinema, including documentaries that revealed dark aspects of life. I'm now finding that because I'm so sensitive to energy, a depressing documentary can leave me with a very deep feeling of sadness. As an empath, I feel the emotions of others so strongly that it's hard to simply observe others who are suffering without experiencing the same feelings.

The challenge that I'm facing is that so many sad documentaries are well-reviewed, and considered "great" films, that it makes me want to watch them all. One such film, which prompted this blog, is titled One Day In September. It was about the terrorist attack that occurred during the 1972 Olympics in Munich. I had heard bits and pieces about the event, but didn't really know much about it...so I wanted to learn more through this documentary. It was very well done and interesting, but left me feeling very sad and hollow.

Another example of how a film recently affected me emotionally was how I felt after watching Exporting Raymond. I had heard a glowing review of this documentary, and it was, in many ways, comedic. It was about attempting to get the show Everybody Loves Raymond produced in Russia...and explored the cultural differences between mainstream humor in America and Russia. It was entertaining for the most part, but I noticed that it left me feeling mildly depressed, simply because the energy of the environment in Russia, as well as the energy of many of the Russian people, felt rather bleak to me.

In one of my all time favorite films, My Dinner with Andre, it is suggested (I'm paraphrasing) that when you show people through your art that life is meaningless, pointless and frightening it confirms what they already suspect. But by showing them stories that are more empowering and positive, you give others a vision for a more enjoyable life.

I would never advocate not making films that address darker subjects, but I would suggest that for those like myself who already understand that life can be full of pain, misery and confusion, mindful consumption of media can improve one's sense of well-being. For people who are not so highly sensitive, I understand how "upsetting" films can actually open their hearts, create more compassion, and actually help to develop greater empathy.

As for myself, I decided today to remove some darker films from my Netflix Queue, all of which are supposedly very well done, including: Rabbit Hole, a drama about a couple coping with their child's death; Trouble the Water, about New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina; and Touching the Void, a documentary about a guy who broke his leg while climbing a mountain. The last one may even have a happy ending...I don't know. But I realized that due to my empathy I don't really feel like watching something that takes place in a cold environment during the winter. It's been cold enough, lately.

My choice to filter what I view creates some inner-conflict within me, because I do enjoy being moved by portrayals of the human condition. However, I feel as though I'm already aware enough of the negative aspects of life, and it'll be more enjoyable to watch films that are a little more "light" or "inspiring" in some way. The next 3 films in my Netflix Queue are Midnight in Paris which I heard is Woody Allen's best work in years, Moneyball, about improving a baseball team, and Our Idiot Brother, a comedy. I have a feeling that this change, despite some feeling of loss, is for the best...at least for now.

Peace,
Chris

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If We Didn't Lie To Kids About Santa - A Poem by Mystic Life

2011-12-13T16:21:00.000-08:00

No need to indulge nostalgic illusion
because it's cute or familiar,
or for the vicarious high of magic.

If we didn't lie to kids about Santa
they'd trust the vulnerable truths
we'll later share to ease their confusion.

If we didn't perpetuate red and green deception
to add mythical joy to children's lives,
they'd find more peace with what is true.

Honest from the beginning with those we love,
less covert grasping for attention behind partners' backs,
fewer secretive well-timed emails and texts.

Everyone would be clear about
who's receiving our milk,
and our cookies.

- Mystic Life

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Transcending Increased "Unconsciousness" During the Holidays

2011-12-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

I've noticed in recent years that unconsciousness increases during the holiday season. By "unconsciousness" I mean patterns of thought and behavior that are less present, patterns that stem not from awareness but from ingrained socialized beliefs.

In much of the Western world, Christmas gives people warm fuzzy feelings if they had warm memories of receiving gifts, and not having to go to school. Nostalgia is a force that sustains many people, though it doesn't truly satiate anyone. If we're not content with our life situation, nostalgia can be a temporary escape that we use to find a relief from the fact that our career and/or relationships are not satisfying. I believe that life can be enjoyable every day, and so I advocate that people don't use escape (including living in the past) because only in the now can we find the answers to what will align us with our true path.

For those who don't have warm memories of the past, or who are no longer close with those they once enjoyed the holidays, this season can increase feelings of isolation. The feeling that one doesn't "fit in" can be deeply uncomfortable because of our biological programming related to tribal survival. In reality, it doesn't matter if we have a "tribe" in the traditional biological sense as long as we have self-love...but to understand this we have to overcome a great deal of conditioning. When we learn to love ourselves with a huge unconditional embrace, we increase the likelihood of attracting relationships that won't drain our energy.

I personally stopped celebrating Christmas several years ago when I stopped believing that Jesus was a real person. It didn't feel congruent to celebrate a mythological figure, even though I like many of the teachings that were attributed to him. I also found the holiday's emphasis upon happiness coming from material things to be off-putting.

Much of my spiritual path has been about deprogramming my socialization to get to what is real. There aren't any holidays to which I have any strong attachments anymore, so I find the best way to utilize them is to witness my thinking while most of the Western world "does their thing." If any shame arises from not feeling like I "belong" in a cultural sense, I observe it, grieve any feelings of loss, and return to my wholeness.

I encourage others to utilize the holiday season for self-reflection. Are your work and your relationships with others nourishing your development? I used to live for weekends, holidays, and vacations when I didn't enjoy my work. When I began living in alignment with my values and beliefs, I was guided to a life that is easy and enjoyable on a daily basis. I believe this is possible for everyone, as long as we avoid the trap of buying into socialized concepts about what life should look like, what we should "live for" (such as materialism, nostalgia, and numbing our emotional unfinished business with family members by using overeating and alcohol during the holiday season).

A life that isn't fulfilling every single day still needs some work.

Peace,
Chris

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Dreaming of Not Being a Teacher

2011-11-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

Today I awoke from a dream which unfolded as follows...

I took a job at a traditional university where I taught four classes. I recall looking at my schedule and seeing that I taught two classes on each day, Monday through Thursday. I felt intimidated before my first class, but once I was standing in front of the students I felt comfortable improvising what I spoke about. In my dream life, as in my real life, I'm a talker!

I wish I could recall all four of the classes I taught. I know that one of the classes was on the topic of Synchronicity, which I thought was a fun topic. I believe another class was on Psychology. I'm not sure what the other two were...perhaps Art and Gym. Perhaps I was dreaming, in part, about what curriculum I would personally enjoy.

In the dream I became discouraged that the students, like most college students, were just kind of there because they "had to be." I also became uncomfortable with having to get up early, and also sticking to a "structured schedule" (something I haven't done in my real life's work since working for the man in 1997).

So I decided to quit my teaching job after only 2 days. Afterwards I received a complicated bill from the university saying that I would have to pay thousands of dollars because I didn't finish what I started. I asked my mom to help me decipher the bill, figuring that since she had worked as a grad student teacher at Michigan State she would understand the language used in the bill.

As I reflected upon this dream after awaking I thought it reflected recent thoughts I've had about how having a fixation upon sharing about esoteric concepts such as synchronicity is a somewhat isolating path. Most people, I've observed, don't really have much interest in the things I find fascinating, and so my dream may have been reflecting the part of me that is disconnected from mainstream society.

I was reminded as I sat down to blog about the beginning of the book Illusions by Richard Bach. I didn't get into the rest of the book, but the hand written introduction was about how many people were in a river, clinging to branches as the water pushed against them. The people held on as hard as they could, and Bach realized the secret was to just let go, and flow with the river. After sharing this secret with the others, he basically flew away to do his own thing.

So as I run out of things to say about synchronicity and psychology, what comes next? Art? Gym? Stillness? Disassociation from traditional curriculum? I don't know but I'll find out at each bend in the river as I continue to float along. All I know right now is that I've got a nice, sleepy cat on my lap...and not one "real" problem.

Peace,
Chris

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I recently faced my lifelong fear of the dark, watching it disappear completely in two days. In fact, most of my big fears have turned out much milder than I imagined. Was this your experience during your awakening? Are we often more fearful of feeling the fear, than feeling what's at the root?

2011-11-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

I recently faced my lifelong fear of the dark, watching it disappear completely in two days. In fact, most of my big fears have turned out much milder than I imagined. Was this your experience during your awakening?

Congratulations on making such great progress with your fear of the dark so quickly. It sounds like you were ready to fully let that go, which is such a wonderful feeling of liberation.

Regarding my experience, sometimes new fears would arise related to flying, driving (general mobility issues). I realized over time that perhaps they were not "fears" so much as my body telling me it was time to take a break from life, go within, and doing things such as flying back to visit family until deeper issues with them could be resolved. So in these cases, I've not found it useful to push through such resistance (which feels like fear) so much as listen to what my body wants.

I'd say the greatest strides I made in terms of overcoming fears was learning to risk losing relationships with people so that I could no longer be conflict avoidant. I realized that I had enabled various forms of obnoxious or self-destructive behavior in others so that they would like me. I also came to understand the importance of dealing with unfinished business in my relationships. In moving through my fear of direct communication (which at its core was a fear of being abandoned for being myself) I was able to gain a great deal of personal empowerment. I also lost a lot of relationships, which was difficult, but in the process I learned how to be more comfortable with myself. I believe that facing these fears was related to my spiritual awakening because part of what I learned as I awoke is that we are here to live honest lives, and that compromising our truth in exchange for being "liked or loved" doesn't allow us to experience being loved for who we are...which is the only form of love that heals.

Are we often more fearful of feeling the fear, than feeling what's at the root?

I believe the ego benefits from us avoiding "getting to the root" because it remains in control when we are afraid. Other people who do not have our best interest in mind may also unconsciously or consciously want us to remain afraid because then we are easier to control. People who are direct and fearless in their approach to interacting with others can not be manipulated so easily, and are much more likely to make choices that inconvenience the egos of others.

If we've had negative experiences with feeling very afraid, it is understandable that we'd like to avoid "feeling the fear" again. For example, if in the past you had a panic attack while in the dark, it felt uncomfortable to have a racing heart, scattered thoughts, or other symptoms of intense anxiety. Not wanting to feel uncomfortable again, it'd be understandable to avoid the dark until eventually reaching the conclusion that this was creating an unnecessary limitation in your life (for example, mailing a letter or taking the garbage out at night). Our spiritual development can push us into courageous acts when we realize that our life is restricted by fear. A surge of confidence arises, and we say to ourselves, "I'm going to do this even if I feel some anxiety because I'm fed up with feeling limited!" And when we move through that initial resistance, we often find that the fear was simply a thought in our mind that we no longer need.

Sometimes prior to facing a fear it can be useful to take a look at a worst case scenario. By realizing that in most cases the things we fear will not kill us, but will only make us feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or self-conscious, that can help us to move forward. I am thinking now of the beautiful quote by Anais Nin:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Peace,
Chris

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If there is one consistent thing I've felt these last 3 years, it is intense confusion. This year in particular forced me to make peace with it. In your experience, how long is this confusion stage of awakening? What needs to occur inside of me before I see consistent clarity?

2011-11-13T16:53:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

One's degree of confusion, and how long it lasts, can vary greatly from person to person during their spiritual awakenings, so there is no set time during which such a state will exist. However, I do believe there are things you can do to expedite clarity.

Now that we have access to the web, we can find a new theory regarding "how to heal" every day. I recall walking into a new age bookstore during the beginning of my spiritual awakening and feeling like a kid in a candy store...I wanted to explore everything! Over time I began limiting various sources to those that were recommended by people who I admired, and teachings that came from people I felt radiated peace in their videos. This helped me to limit contradicting messages and therefore led to more clarity.

I also found that at first I was very interested in things "out there" such as Pleiadians, crop circles, UFOs, spiritual vortexes, etc. Over time, they started to feel like my ego's way of preventing me from seeing what was really important, which is that which is "in there" (my thoughts, beliefs, values). I also realized that dealing directly with relationships in an honest and self-loving manner was huge. I believe that when our relationships are clear, it goes a long way towards helping us clear our mind.

Drug use can open us up to all kinds of different energies/thoughts/intuitions in a way that can lead to increased confusion. I found that switching to a sober path allowed me to receive the good, important insights without so many confusing "wrong turns" along my journey. I had feared that becoming sober would cause me to miss out on brilliant epiphanies, but the important information always comes through when needed.

Early on in my spiritual journey, a mentor (appropriately named Grace) who taught me how to read the Osho Zen Tarot also told me, "Don't settle for being a Timothy Leary when you can become a Ram Dass." In other words, drugs could seem to get me where I wanted to go, but through sober spiritual practice I could truly reach my goals. She was absolutely right.

Confusion represents a conflict between various choices or beliefs. The best way to clarify such conflicts is to listen to our body. Our mind can make an argument for any perspective, but the body, when we learn to listen to it, is our greatest source of wisdom. When we are sober, and have practiced clearing our mind of its incessant chatter, we can tune in and use our body's intricate nervous system as a radar that communicates truth through a sense of calm. Tension indicates conflict. Relaxation communicates truth.

There is a phrase that came to me early on my spiritual journey: "Chaos enables creativity. Order enables utility." All of the interesting and intriguing insights and experiences that come from the chaotic beginnings of a spiritual journey can be hard to release because they are so stimulating. "Don't live a dull life!", the ego whispers. But bringing order and structure into our life, into our spiritual practice allows us to utilize various lessons in a manner that brings more calm and clarity. And it is never dull. Simple things give us pleasure when our spiritual life has moved past the drama phase. Although we don't want to deal with things like money and other aspects of the material realm, calming down our root chakra allows for a more centered and clear experience of life. So even though we'd rather receive brilliant insights from the Pleiades, sometimes it's more productive to put our income and expenses on a spreadsheet, and figure out ways to get the material world to balance out. The spiritual journey continues, but with less stress, and less confusion.

Peace,
Chris

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Lately and during most of my awakening process so far, I've mainly used cannabis to treat anxiety. After a 6-week hiatus, I found myself at a very low point (dysfunctional)...so I resumed using. Now, I feel a bit stronger in that I can make it through the anxiety attacks without medicating...if I want to. I'm trying to understand if there is more benefit to feeling the full pain vs. taking the edge off. Is it wiser to face these fears without external help, or am I just torturing myself unnecessarily by not taking the edge off when I can?

2011-11-13T16:23:00.000-08:00

Question from brooke

Thanks for your continued vulnerable sharing.

I feel that there are instances in which the medical use of marijuana can be helpful such as in the treatment of glaucoma and so forth. It's also easy to abuse because it's a quick fix for an altered state of brain chemistry. I personally found that it would add to my confusion because some insights would seem very important but they were just red herrings. So I've come to believe that sobriety allows for greater clarity in the quest to understand what is beneath the anxiety.

Cannabis can alleviate symptoms but only understanding can get to the root of anxiety. Typically, we are born happy, relaxed little beings, then accumulate stress over time as a result of trying to adept to mostly dysfunctional systems (family, society, school, work, etc.). The process of awakening requires disentangling our mind from all that we have learned.

I'm aware that you have started dealing directly with your family of origin since your 6 week break. Perhaps the next time you try a hiatus you won't experience as much pain because you've been confronting fears and dealing directly with your relationships. If you do come up against a difficult period of withdrawal, you can treat it as a rite of passage, something to move through in that "darkness before the dawn" kind of way. In our culture, where most people must make their our own rites of passages, it is easy to believe that the pain we face will destroy us. This is the ego's attempt to keep us dependent upon our various addictions so that we will never be truly free.

I've found that the spiritual teachers I most admire are able to achieve peace while living free of alcohol and drug free. I'm a very independent person, so the thought of being dependent upon anything outside of myself (with the exception of food/water/air/shelter) doesn't appeal to me. I believe that access to wise guidance combined with a dedication to doing spiritual work, as I've outlined in many of my videos, allows us to get to a place where we feel at peace, naturally. Dependence upon drugs or alcohol is a sign that we are still a seeker, but not a seer.

I believe it's possible to still get the insights and alleviation that drugs can provide without the side effects of exaggerated thinking, paranoia, and so on. Our brain chemistry is brilliantly designed to let us know through stress/anxiety that something is wrong. It can feel frustrating to feel that something is wrong and not yet know what it is, which can lead to prescription medication, or self-medication with various drugs. However, when we artificially alter our brain chemistry we are essentially blocking out the message that something in our life needs to change (be it awareness, how we're living, our relationships, etc.). When I started living sober I became aware that some relationships no longer interested me. It's like that t-shirt slogan, "I drink to make other people more interesting." It's true in many cases. Instead of letting go of certain relationships, or making other big life changes, we medicate to block the signals that it's time to change.

When we are eventually ready to go into the fire of deep awareness, we must walk into it alone, with nothing available to cool the flames but our willingness to surrender.

Peace,
Chris

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A couple of years ago I was visited energetically by something or someone in my bedroom. It felt like a super heavy energy was just looking at me. It was right in front of my bedroom door, next to my side of the bed. I could feel it so clearly. All I could do was hold onto my partner and wait for it to leave (which it did after 5-10? minutes). What was this? Is there something I can do to keep this from happening to me again? Can these things hurt me in any way? Which leads to the question...do I need to put up some sort of protection?

2011-11-12T21:40:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

I've known some other people who've experienced similar visitations. In each case, they were going through some kind of difficult emotional state, and had unresolved issues with family members.

I feel that our mind is interconnected with the world around us in a very intricate manner. We only experience the world through our senses, and everything that we perceive is interpreted through our nervous system, our mind. Some things that seem to be "out there" are actually projections of inner states of anxiety which we are experiencing. I know that this can bring up some confusion related to, "Can I not even trust my perception of reality?" I believe that we generally can, but we can benefit from realizing that things "out there" that can seem scary are actually projections of conflicted thoughts/feelings within us.

The ability to project can be very helpful because it's something (unlike our thoughts) that we don't tend to ignore. I personally believe that everything in the spirit realm is peaceful, and there are no "devils, demons, nasty ghosts, or other negative entities." My understanding of the spirit realm is that it is all oneness, interconnected, and unified. Therefore there are no "dark or light" entities because there are no dichotomies.

However, where we live, in the world of duality...there can seem to be dark and light because we are trying to resolve within us various conflicts. There is no need to protect yourself from anything "out there" because it is all within you. On a certain level, everything we see and experience around us is a hologram that reflects our internal experience. Therefore, instead of being concerned about what we may see in our room, we are best off putting our focus upon resolving what is within our mind.

We have to get in touch with all of the various realms of our life that are not clear. We have to spend time reflecting upon whether or not we have any unfinished business with other people. We also have to figure out how we "beat ourselves up" with our thoughts, and become more self-loving. As we become more light within, we no longer sense heavy entities in our vicinity, because there is no more darkness that needs to be projected. In the interim, think of the energies you perceive as "on your side" because they are there to give you information about yourself. They can not hurt you.

I recommend watching "My Dinner with Andre" which is about Andre Gregory's spiritual awakening. In once scene he sees a bizarre looking monster. Instead of being scared, he realizes that he's going through a very strange time in his life, and when going through a strange time, you run into strange things. I'm also recalling a guy a former girlfriend told me about who had an acid flashback (presumably) during which everything he could see appeared to be varied shades of blue. He realized that he could freak out because everything was blue, or he could just surrender to it and say, "How interesting...everything is blue." He chose the latter.

The spiritual awakening process can involve many bizarre experiences, and sometimes we wonder if we're losing our mind...which can be very scary. But another way of looking at it is that we have to lose "our mind" in order to connect with what is beyond the mind...the true self...the witness..our inner guidance. Our mind is generally overrated, so sometimes it would rather freak us out than diminish its own importance. Don't take any of your experiences too seriously. Stay connected to a deep sense of faith that everything is unfolding for a deeper purpose, even when it doesn't make sense.

Peace,
Chris

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For the past year I have felt my body is slowly weaning from food. I am highly sensitive to what I eat right now. It seems I function best, the less I eat. Though not enough to eat and I’m floating away, ungrounded. Whenever I try to picture my food intake in the future, I see my food coming from a bush or tree outside. Not much more. Is this possible or am I just in a phase that will eventually pass? Are food sensitivities common during the awakening process?

2011-11-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

There is never any reason to envision what you'll want to be eating in the future. One's diet is something that changes over time, and so your only responsibility is to figure out what works in this moment. And this may change frequently, or rarely...everyone is different. Cravings may arise. Follow them. Learn from them.

It is common to experience different kinds of experiences with food during a spiritual awakening because everything is changing. Your body may desire different experiences than it is used to having. You may find that because you're increasing your sensitivity you're noticing things that you haven't noticed before.

As you figure out what works for you, try to not pay attention to what works for others. The web is full of people trying to force their agendas upon you. The more vehement these people are, the more they're trying to rationalize their own choices. Everyone is different, and so there is not one path that will work for all people.

Optimizing well-being via food intake is a realm in which many "spiritual people" who are otherwise accepting of diversity become very rigid and judgmental. This is, in part, due to the ego's tendency to cling to controlling others (and look for ways of perpetuating control in a "spiritual way"). In other words, they can rationalize they're trying to help people because eating only carrots and plums works so well! But often times they are secretly insecure about their choice and so they want to make everyone like them so they feel more secure.

I went through several phases in life of restricting what I eat, and it never made much of a difference. For me, it was about learning a lesson that I have received over and over in my life: trust yourself over "experts." I found that my food intake wasn't as important as dealing with relationships, dealing with emotions, learning to take care of myself. Food is something we can "control" when the rest of life seems out of control, so it becomes easy to fixate upon. I became so obsessed for a period of time that I developed a form of eating disorder that relates to the idea anything with pesticides would ruin me. Now I've learned to trust that my body can eat anything available in a regular grocery store without dying because my body is strong and can only take what it needs if I treat food with a balanced approach (not overeating sweets/fats/etc.)

In your case, having specific allergies and so forth...I would suggest that you not cling to the idea that any current inability to process a type of food is permanent. Of course if you have something like a peanut allergy that would kill you, don't eat peanuts. But if you currently don't feel drawn to eating something, know that this may change over time as you progress through your personal transformation.

Again, don't be influenced by the "diet utopias" of others. I suggest treating your body like a scientific experiment. Try different things and observe how they feel. If they taste good and "feel" good, continue eating them. If they don't work, let them go for the time being. There are a LOT of food choices available if you don't limit yourself, so try them all over time and discover what works for you. And if any of the people who proselytize about not eating meat try to shame you into being like them, you can find a perspective that embraced diversity in my video, "Spiritual Omnivores."

Lastly, when it comes to fasting, I find it's like "The Flight of Icarus." It can feel great to fly towards the sun, but get too close, and you come crashing down. I like to tune in to when I realize that I've gone too long without food then eat some almonds, a breakfast bar, peanut butter, cheese, pretzels, or something else that I feel is grounding. Going too long without food ends up making me feel irritable, ungrounded, and anxious.

Peace,
Chris

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Clearly, I am becoming more sensitive as time passes. Smells, tastes, touch, visuals, sounds. All of them have increased in sensitivity. Will this trend continue and will I ever be able to handle all the energy without having to shield myself (for protection)? Will I ever be strong enough (in this body) that it won’t matter where I live?

2011-11-12T20:41:00.000-08:00

Question from brooke

I believe there is a phase during which protection is important. While we are still developing spiritual depth, our sensitivity can be seen as a burden because we "feel everything" and much of what we feel is abrasive. Our ego may also trouble us by sending self-defeating messages such as, "You're weird. You don't fit in. You're different than other people who can have a good time in loud, crowded, intense situations!"

Removing ourselves from abrasive stimuli and protecting ourselves from negativity serves the purpose of helping us to connect with inner stillness. It's like our awakening refines our radar so we can start paying attention to the important subtle energies...but this enhanced ability also makes overt things "too overt" so we have to modify our life if we want to feel more comfortable during this transition.

Our ego says, "This sucks...and my life will always suck because of it." However, I believe that because our sensitivity leads to greater self-awareness and consciousness (if we are committed to our growth) then eventually we become so high vibrational that external "things" no longer "bump into is" and hurt. Instead, they go through us...and we are not affected.

For example, if we are in an ego state of raw agitation, someone can say the "wrong" thing, or an abrasive noise occurs, or the sun is glaring in our eyes...and it's all really annoying! We feel agitated because our senses (and our mind's interpretation of events) is fighting against what is.

But when we are in an enlightened state, the words people say, the occurrences in our environment, and so on, simply are. We are no longer fighting against what is. We no longer mind what happens. And in this state of surrender, sensitivity is no longer problematic.

So, in a nutshell, sensitivity pushes us into deeper spiritual growth (because that is what we are here to do), and for awhile we are best served by modifying our environment so it's not as overwhelming, but eventually we reach peace and no longer see it as a burden. When you reach this state, you will probably still prefer to live in peaceful environments, but it won't feel so critical because external stimuli will pass through you.

Peace,
Chris

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I’ve sometimes reached places I refer to as the dark red caverns inside of me. When I am sick, I find myself there. Sometimes when I am using psychedelics, I find myself there. Under anesthesia. Sometimes in dreams. It’s always the same familiar blech feeling when I’m there. Lots of pain. It’s somewhere in the location of my stomach…or a maybe a pain in my stomach takes me there. I’m not sure which. What is this place?

2011-11-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

Question from brooke

I get a couple images when I think of the dark red caverns you describe. Growing up in the West, we are inundated with visions of hell. It sounds like this place represents your own "personal hell." One of the best definitions of "hell" that I've heard, comes from Conversations with God, I believe. Hell is not being who you are.

Since you're on a sincere path of becoming yourself authentically regardless of what others think, I have a feeling these images will dissipate.

Sometimes when we become physically ill it is so we are forced to deal with the pain within us. I was feeling that these the image of "dark red caverns" may be symbolic of what Eckhart Tolle would call your pain-body. When sick, or otherwise incapacitated, we are often forced to deal with unresolved emotional pain...and the stomach is largely associated with emotions. Symbolically, you may need to "digest" some emotional experiences that are still unresolved.

My sense is that it may be useful to explore these caverns in a sober, healthy, conscious state of mind and see what you find there. If you can go into the pain and feel it, it will most likely dissipate. It may also reveal deeper insights regarding what past events have led to the pain.

Of course, it may not be specific events so much as the accumulation of suffering that comes from being sensitive in an abrasive world, which can sometimes feel like hell. Regardless of the origins of the pain, I have personally experienced that Tolle's suggestion of feeling the pain-body does indeed help transmute it into consciousness.

Peace,
Chris

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If you were in my shoes, driving around my body, occupying my mind…where would you put your focus right now? What actions would you take immediately with the information you have so far? Could you list your priorities? Do you find self-sabotage or denial being a problem?

2011-11-11T16:11:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

Self-sabotage and denial are favorite tricks of the ego, but I sense you're more aware of these tendencies than most. The light of awareness dissolves them as they only have power in the darkness of unconsciousness.

Since you are a highly sensitive person who has gone through an intense spiritual awakening process, I will share some perspectives that helped me transition into a relatively balanced life. The two words that I feel are relevant to your process are grounding and release. When you're making a choice, ask yourself which option will lead to more grounding. When you feel tight, anxious, or pent up, focus upon release.

When I shared with a mentor in 1997 about my spiritual awakening he said, "Make sure you pay your bills on time and eat three times a day." He knew that awakenings are intense, and it's easy to lose balance.

I didn't always follow his advice. For example, I was once tripping on LSD in an abandoned part of the desert in Utah. My friend and I had wandered in separate directions. I ended up on a plateau where I could see no humans...just nature. People were not my focus at that point. I wanted truth. I had my journal, and I was determined that on this last of 3 acid trips during 5 days of travelling through Arizona and Utah I would come to understand myself, life, my purpose...all the mysteries. I wrote, and I wrote, trying to discern what was real.

I wanted so badly to understand everything, but eventually realized I simply wasn't going to figure out everything because wisdom would need to come more gradually. During the 14 years since this experience, I've learned quite a bit, but most of my understanding of myself and life have come through less intense means. For years I have been practicing "Nonaddiction Spirituality" because I realized all the benefits of chemical alteration could be experienced directly in a more centering fashion.

The point of this story is that the thrills of awakening can become so absorbing that the rest of life becomes out of balance. In response to my video "Bipolar or Spiritual Awakening?" you related strongly to the concept of root chakra (survival/money issues) contributing to stress. I believe that although dealing with the material world can be "boring" in contrast with figuring out ourselves and the universe, it is best to have a solid foundation in life, and that stability contributes to clarity during explorations. I did a two part video called, "How the Spiritual Manifest Money" which may be a good place to start if you haven't seen it yet. We must stop "hating money" to attract it. Being able to have a comfortable relationship with food and shelter with enough left over to give us options calms the root chakra, and allows for a deeper exploration of what I consider to be the more "interesting" chakras.

Since the emergence of the web, we are never at a loss of finding many sources of information, many "answers" regarding spiritual truths and healing. It can be overwhelming, so we have to discern who has a vibe that we admire. Personally, I find Eckhart Tolle to have a pleasant energy in his videos. I don't agree with everything he says, but I certainly trust that he understands how to calm the mind.

One of Tolle's concepts that has helped me tremendously is feeling the pain-body. I used to not know what to do with emotional pain when it arose. I would often suppress or avoid it, or call someone to talk. There is nothing inherently wrong with reaching out for support when pain arises, but I wanted to go deeper so in case nobody was available, I still knew what to do with pain. In short, it's about feeling it when it comes up, without judgment or avoidance. Just feeling it helps it to dissipate. I elaborate on this topic in my video, "How to Feel Your Pain-Body."

One form of releasing old pain or trauma is through connected breathwork. This involves breathing in and out without pausing between breaths. It can be a powerful method of clarifying the nervous system, and I recommend that anyone at least give it a try for half an hour or more. The time I find that works best is at least 40 minutes, but it surely varies from person to person. I've explored this in several videos that can be found by searching for "breathwork" on my YouTube channel's home page, but a good place to start would be, "Spiritual Breathwork/Releasing Emotions."

So again, the key mantras I would suggest focusing upon during this phase of life are grounding and releasing. Trust that the deeper exploration of life will continue to evolve, and it's okay if some things don't make sense right now. They will when understanding is right timed.

Peace,
Chris

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Why do we seek romance? Is it programming? Do you see less seeking as more people awaken? How do you see the future of romantic relationships?

2011-11-10T00:27:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

I believe that many people are in the process of transitioning from a biologically driven "motivation to mate" to a spiritually driven desire for deeper awareness through conscious love. That which can be used by the ego (looking for a mate due to codependence or wanting to use sex to avoid our feelings) can be used by the spirit (opening to love so that we can heal more deeply, expand our heart, have someone to share with about all of the little things we're figuring out about ourselves and life!).

As more people awaken, the manner in which they seek will change. When people meet others in person, physical attraction will not be enough to motivate flirting (actual dialogue and sharing will be necessary first, and intuition will help detect another's "energy" beyond their physical form). Dating site profiles will be less about "where you've travelled/what activities you enjoy" and more about personal and spiritual values. People will see through the facades of others more clearly, and less "taken in" by superficial components. As they learn to trust their inner guidance, they will care less about socialized values and more about finding qualities that resonate on a deeper level.

Romance, in my opinion, is far from an endangered species. It's simply changing from the desire to breed with a symmetrical mate to opening to a love that is capable of fullness, presence, compassion, understanding, and other deeper values.

There are some on the spiritual path who feel completely whole and not drawn to a romantic/sexual partnership. For the other 99.99%+ of us, we will continue desire the lessons and growth that conscious sexual unions can help us experience. I was surprised to find that Eckhart Tolle, who I believe is truly enlightened, is in a romantic/sexual relationship (with Kim Eng). I had wondered when I first started studying his work if once you attain enlightenment there is any drive to "improve upon what is already perfect." Apparently, love and sex still feel good even when your mind is not encumbered with incessant thinking. In fact, it could be said that until we disentangle ourselves from all of our muddled ruminations and addictions we will never know what love really is. However, we don't have to be celibate until reaching a place of clarity because our various attractions will certainly lead us to the lessons we need for our growth.

The universe is a clever and intricate system that utilizes our more "base" desires for our required life lessons. So if we want more money, fame, love, sex, or power...we can be assured that what happens during our pursuit of these goals will ultimately teach us about who we truly are, and what we actually came here to do.

Peace,
Chris

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How do I come clean? How can I (or can I?) be authentic and honest without losing my partner and splitting up my family?

2011-11-09T23:39:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

I like the expression "come clean." Cleaning our home of excess junk feels renewing. Cleaning out our minds of all of the unfinished business with others also creates a feeling of renewal.

The way to begin is to express yourself with those from whom you have suppressed the most. Now in some cases, people have been so traumatized by another that they've wisely ceased contact. In these cases, it can still be useful to write a letter to such a person, but not send it. However, for the people in your life with whom you still choose to have contact, directly communicating is one of the most powerful things you can do to liberate yourselves into the life of an empowered adult.

Some people can talk to others about past issues directly. Some prefer the phone. If those avenues are too intense, you might prefer an email or a letter. Sometimes a benefit of an email or letter is that it allows the other person to go through whatever emotional reactivity comes up, then reply when they're in a more clear place. Talking in person or on the phone may result in a lot of "But..." and "What?" responses that get in the way of your ability to "get it all out." And it is important to get everything out in the open where it can be dealt with. Sometimes those we talk to rise to the occasion and impress us with their ability to process through difficult topics. Sometimes they withdraw in anger or victimization. We can not control another's response, but we can control whether we take the initiative to at least attempt to bring authenticity to the relationship.

If we avoid people due to unfinished business with excuses such as, "I've been really busy!" then we may attract from the universe an endless array of nuisances that truly do keep us busy. If we deal with people directly it helps to manifest a more spacious life since we no longer need excuses to avoid others.

There is no guarantee that your partner or family members will respond favorably to your attempt to clear things up. Many people avoid being authentic due to fear of loss. However, if you are on a spiritual journey, you will most likely eventually discover that if a relationship is not genuine, there is truly nothing to lose. As I've said repeatedly to so many people I've spoken with about this topic, we simply must take the risk of being known if we are ever to feel loved for who we are. Until we are honest about everything, including the uncomfortable stuff, we are only loved for our suppressed role, which feels deadening, hollow, and isolating.

Even if everything goes "horrible" and you lose all of your relationships by being honest, you will at least have yourself for your first time. Nobody came into this life with the soul purpose of tiptoeing around the control issues of other people. We came here to be known. In my book Unification there is a section called Reflections on Physical Immortality in which I assert that if we are not honest, our body attracts death so that we can be born into another life in which there will be a renewed possibility for a genuine existence. However, if we remain authentic in the relationships we choose to participate in, it helps us to remain healthy indefinitely.

For further thoughts on this topic, please check out my video, Tell Family Your Truth.

Peace,
Chris

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Why is it so hard to be faithful when I know I love my partner?

2011-11-09T22:21:00.000-08:00

Question from brooke

I think the answer to this question is contained within the definition of the word "faithful." The concept of marriage (one form of partnership) stems from a history of dowries, deals and ownership. As time has progressed, humans have tried to make it more beautiful, but one aspect that hasn't been questioned in mainstream culture is the concept of monogamy.

Even in many spiritual practices which recognize that attachment is the root of suffering, monogamy is the exception. In other words, you can work on all aspects of releasing attachments while still accepting it is normal and healthy to have attachment to what your partner does with his/her love, and especially with his/her sexuality.

Jealousy stems from sociobiological drives and psychological insecurities, but we are reaching a critical time in the evolution of our species in which absolutely no form of ownership or attachment is going to be perpetuated without suffering. This doesn't mean that nobody should be monogamous. There are some people who truly want to be with one partner. Unfortunately (for the egos of many people), many partners would not say "No thanks!" if asked, "My attractive friend is lonely and desires you. I don't feel jealous and wondered if you would feel comfortable making love with him/her?" The uncomfortable truth is that many people are monogamous not because they want to be, but because they feel they "have to be" in exchange for love.

The lack of options results in infidelity in over half of all marriages. In addition to compulsive sex leading to an increased likelihood of spreading STDs, cheating also requires deception...which is not compatible with a spiritual life. Before my spiritual awakening, I cheated in several relationships and truly believed, "What they don't know won't hurt them." When I began to understand how we're interconnected, I came to know why I could no longer lie to anyone I cared about...let alone cheat.

The pattern that most people fall into is dating a new person on the average of every 1 or 2 years, then reaching a certain age at which they believe it's time to get married. Sexual diversity is supposed to end at this point, and one person is supposed to meet your emotional and sexual needs until one or the other in the partnership dies. This works for some, but not for all. I believe that those who feel tempted to "cheat" may be better off being polyamorous. Some are here for an intense long term romantic lesson with one person. Some are here for romantic lessons with a variety of people throughout their life. Some are here to be celibate. We're clearly not all here for the same purpose, so trying to squeeze our experience of love into one socialized box simply doesn't work. This can leave people feeling confused about why they can't make love work. They question their partner choices, but rarely question the system of monogamy itself.

Personally, I move through lessons very quickly...so being with only one person for the next 50 years feels as though it would require suppressing myself. This may change at some point in the future, but it is currently my truth. So I've decided to let go of the concept of marriage, release the idea that I will know what my life will look like in the future, and let go of my impulses to limit myself or my lovers. It takes ongoing practice to live like this, but I feel the benefits of freedom, allowing and diversity outweigh what I would call an "illusory" form of relationship security.

So, back to the definition of "faithful." People often use faithful as a metaphor for monogamy. But when digging a little more deeply into that word, it's clearly rooted in whatever you consider to be spiritual behavior. If you are socialized to be a good Catholic, for example, then being faithful means following the rules of your church, your Pope, and the bible (as interpreted by your religious leaders). The archaic messages from these sources are likely to create inner turmoil since they are not aligned with who you are. They are aligned with ancient, oppressive rules.

There are many people who are realizing that they don't need a church or book of rules to be spiritual. They find guidance within, through synchronicities, and from non-dogmatic spiritual concepts. In this realm, faithfulness means following your spiritual guidance. If you feel guided to be intimate with someone other than your partner, be honest with yourself, and honest with your partner. Sometimes when attractions are discussed openly they may dissipate...and you will find that you feel content with them not manifesting in physical form. Suppression can build up energy until you make a choice in a moment of passion to have a compulsive affair, which leads to conscious or unconscious guilt. It is more wise to deal with attractions thoughtfully and openly. If your partner despises you for your honesty, it is probably not a relationship that is founded in love so much as ownership.

Be faithful to yourself first and foremost. We are not here to please other people. This would only be possible through self-suppression. Many people are only loved for their "performance" instead of who they really are. When you're honest with yourself and others, you at least have the potential to be loved for who you are. If being faithful to yourself results in the end of your partnership, that is not necessarily a bad thing. It may hurt for awhile...but ultimately you must follow your heart, even if it means letting go of previous agreements which no longer serve your personal evolution.

Peace,
Chris

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If I completely purge my old fears/pains, can new ones still come in? If yes, will that always be the case? Will I ever reach a point (in this body) where fear and/or pain are no longer part of the human experience?

2011-11-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

Questions from brooke

"If I completely purge my old fears/pains, can new ones still come in? If yes, will that always be the case?"

It is possible that new fears and emotional pain may arise at any point. It's a matter of how we are interacting with what is going on around us. However, it is likely that if one has completely purged the fear and pain they have accumulated in the past, then they are better able to see what has led to suffering. When we understand what creates suffering, we are less likely to recreate it.

All we can do is work with what we currently have accumulated. We can't know with certainty what future events will arise. However, we can trust that if we can resolve our current challenges then we will be much greater prepared for any external events that emerge in the future. Most fear and pain relates to attachment to what happens around us. When we come to understand that our inner peace isn't dependent upon everything "going our way" then attachment lessens, and suffering is reduced.

Both Western cognitive psychology and many Eastern philosophies have recognized that it is not events in life that create fear and pain but our interpretation of these events. It is understandable that we want everything to go our way, since evolution has ingrained within us the desire to conquer external circumstances to increase our likelihood of survival. Spiritual work leads to replacing the desire to micromanage situations with the ability to allow, and trust that what is unfolding is perfect (even if it isn't our preference, it often leads to growth). Some belief systems are about manifesting/creating life exactly as you like it. I believe that these are a set up for suffering since the universe gives us what we need for our growth...not what we want. We get to make choices, and we get to choose how we respond to events, but we don't get to control other people, or experience everything we want. It is impossible to have a world where everyone wins the lottery, but it is possible to have a world in which people learn to surrender to what is happening.

"Will I ever reach a point (in this body) where fear and/or pain are no longer part of the human experience?"

Although physical pain, of course, is always a possibility as long as we have a typical nervous system, there are those who transcend fear and pain. It is rare, at this time, but it is possible. I've heard both Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra talk about how they don't suffer anymore. This is because they are fully immersed in a belief system that allows for clarity no matter what arises around them. Tolle has mentioned that his voice raised in an "angry tone" when he saw people mistreating an animal, but I believe he didn't experience the kind of suffering that is usually associated with anger. It is more likely that it was a "purposive behavior" designed (unconsciously, perhaps) to protect the animal he witnessed.

There is nothing biologically special about those who have become enlightened. Like everyone, they were born with a mind, and usually exposed to great unconsciousness in their environment. But with a continual commitment to choosing a clear perspective over a reactive response, their brain becomes rewired until clarity is the automatic response. Deepak Chopra recently stated on the show Conan that when it comes to your brain, whatever fires, wires. His point was that when we have repeated thoughts, this creates a wiring of our neurons which lead to certain reactions. However, the brain is flexible and can be rewired. A person who responds to external events with a belief that they are a victim of life can change their thoughts, change their beliefs, until they respond with greater understanding of the deeper purpose of why things are happening as they are.

As an aside, sometimes the desire for an extreme state such as "no suffering" can increase our present suffering through the ego's trap of comparison. In other words, by being attached to reaching a place where we no longer suffer at all, this (like any attachment) makes us feel as though our present life isn't enough. We can transcend this trap by accepting everything, including where we are at right now (even though we sense things could be better in terms of our circumstances or our personal evolution).

Peace,
Chris

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The Fully Formed Spirit Self Is Present Throughout Our Life

2011-10-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

The cliched version of a spiritually mature individual is typically of an elderly person with gray hair and quiet energy. Lately I've been realizing that my spirit self has always been present, even when I was a child.

The spirit, my true identity, doesn't evolve or grow into itself. It is always there. What feels like an evolving spirit is the mind aligning itself with spirit, and releasing ego. But spirit, by its nature, is always in its true form. That's just how it rolls.

As a child, I may not have had the vocabulary to express myself as I can now, or the conscious awareness of my spirit...but it was still there, fully formed. I was expected to play childlike roles, and sit at a desk for thousands of hours throughout my scholastic conditioning process, but my true self has always been there.

Children have their wise self within them, and need not be "talked down to" because adults like them to be "cute" and "innocent." Our entire life is a journey that is travelled with our authentic self. The frustration we often feel is a lack of environmental support for who we truly are, but this is changing. More people are awakening to who they are beyond their socialization, and as we see life clearly, we realize that babies, children, teens, and adults are not "different kinds of people." They are all people, at different physical stages, but always connected to their true self. We are wise to allow their truth to be spoken, even when it inconveniences our preferences.

Peace,
Chris

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Constant Regeneration - A Poem by Mystic Life

2011-10-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

The thin accumulation of dust
that rests upon our electronic equipment
reminds us that we are constantly
regenerating the form we take.

While Dr. Oz tries to take us down
the piss brick road
of fear, apple juice,
and old lace...

Dr. Chopra has whispered that our minds
can be timeless, and our bodies ageless,
as we are always recreating ourselves
on a cellular level.

And the state of mind we are in,
be it peace, or turmoil,
determines the quality of new cells
we create.

- Mystic Life

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How To Occupy Wall Street Without Ego

2011-10-05T18:22:00.001-07:00

I believe the many people who are currently occupying Wall Street are generally well-intentioned and compassionate people. It's often enjoyable to protest because it feels empowering. However, the ego is sneaky and can creep in quite cleverly if we're not watching it with vigilance. Therefore, I'd like to share some suggestions for how to occupy Wall Street (or any similar protest) without the interference of ego.

1. Don't Fall Into Victim Mentality

It can be beautiful to evoke a call for change in relation to that which you oppose. Evolution can only occur when we understand what we are ready to move beyond. If we can avoid falling into the trap of becoming a victim while stating how we would like to see others empowered, this can be a strong statement of intention. However, we must be aware of the ego's tendency to whisper, "I can only be happy when others change." The truth is that peace can become available to anyone right now, no matter their situation. Also, keep in mind that a peaceful person who is protesting is more powerful than someone who is angry and frustrated with life. People who emanate true peace attract listeners because the wisdom of spirit speaks through them. You are a powerful being when you are aligned with your purpose. If you give away your power to entities outside of yourself you will never feel at peace.

2. Avoid Generalizations

The ego loves to speak in "black and white" terms, such as stating that those with the top 1% incomes are corrupt and greedy. However, some of the most altruistic people on the planet are very wealthy. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, for example, are incredibly rich, and literally helping millions of people with their charitable work. Instead of falling into the temptation of hating people with money, lovingly present reasons that sharing one's wealth with those in great need is more rewarding than the accumulation of material goods. For ideas on how to present such ideas, check out my recent video Create Good Karma By Sharing.

3. Be Aware of Your Projections

There are many purchases most people could eliminate from their life in order to more effectively help others. To be a powerful role model, lead by example. One example of how we could make sure everyone on the planet could live with greater dignity would be to eliminate our dependence upon substances. When we commit to doing a great deal of spiritual and emotional work on ourselves, we no longer feel dependent upon things such as coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, pot, etc. in order to "feel good." Feeling at peace and naturally energized can come from our inner source, and the $100+ we can easily spend on substance use each month can then be donated to organizations committed to helping people such as the World Food Programme. When we carry unconscious guilt due to not doing what we can to help others, it is then easy to blame others by projecting our guilt upon them. We may tell ourselves that things will only get better when others change, yet we are truly the change we seek.

Another common form of projection comes from having unresolved issues with family members (in particular, your parents or other guardians). When we are young we literally have "no choice" in certain matters, and this can leave us with an unresolved feeling of frustration. Since most people who have children do so before they have made peace with their own issues, they make many hurtful choices that affect their childrens' self-concept. Gestalt therapy suggests that in order to feel more emotionally healed, we need to confront the unfinished business that we have with the people who have negatively impacted our psyche. It can be scary to share what you feel hurt or conflicted about with others, but it is a powerful method of releasing old pain, and giving the people in your life a chance to show whether or not they are willing to work through past issues. If they're not, letting go of those relationships (at least until they're ready to discuss issues vulnerably) may be necessary. Importantly, if we don't deal with our personal relationships' unfinished business, it makes it much more likely that we will project our anger upon faceless entities who are less "personally intimidating" such as corporations, the government, etc.

4. Understand the Spiritual Principles of Attracting Money

I learned from reading the Conversations with God series by Neale Donald Walsch that although our experiences of having money (vs. not having it) tell us it is a positive experience, old ideas handed down from religion can teach us to hate money. We can not attract something we hate. In other words, learn to love having money in order to invite it into your life. Don't perpetuate a child-parent mentality by saying, "Someone else has it and should share it with me." Empower yourself and recognize what you have to offer the world, follow your inner guidance regarding manifesting money, and attract wealth into your life.

Don't perpetuate financial impotence by stating that others must change before you can have enough money to do what it is you're here to do. Differentiate between greed and abundance. With financial abundance you can help others when guided to do so, and exist with less "survival anxiety" in your life. If you have either an angry or guilty relationship with money, I recommend reading Creating Affluence by Deepak Chopra.

Remember that teaching empowerment will help others break out of poverty more effectively than waiting for those who are greedy to change. When you role model how to attract money and spend it consciously, you will become a catalyst for positive change in others.

Peace,
Chris

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Spiritual Escapism Vs. Dealing with Relationships

2011-09-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

The ego is a tricky thing. Based on what I've personally experienced, and what I've observed, one of its favorite tricks is to covertly use spirituality to perpetuate its agenda of separateness.

One common phenomenon is the idea that we are astrologically, numerologically, (or related to the Mayan calendar) "going through an intense time." This gives those who follow this idea an opportunity to rationalize avoiding the challenges they are experiencing currently (which are usually relational in nature). In other words, you might "feel bad" and attribute this to some "phase" we are collectively within instead of dealing directly with your life. If you look around, you'll find that no period in history has not been described by some "expert" as an intense time, so don't wait for a "peaceful time on the planet" to confront your personal challenges.

A related idea which uses the concept of time for the ego's agenda is that "salvation is coming soon." The most common version of this idea relates to the idea that at some point in the near future, such as 2012, there will be a global awakening, and things will magically become much easier. This has taken various forms over time, and the dates of salvation are always being "pushed back" when prior dates pass us by (for example, many thought that the year 2000 would bring some kind of planetary awakening, but it didn't, because awakening occurs in individuals, and the 7 billion inhabitants of Earth are in a wide spectrum of places on their personal journey).

Lastly, there is the idea of looking to "bliss out" which is a natural high that is sustained over a long period of time. Rarely, there are those who authentically experience this, such as Eckhart Tolle did after many years of great personal suffering. After attaining enlightenment, it was hard for Tolle to function in the world in a traditional sense, so he decided to just be still and absorb the bliss...a state that many of us would like to experience. If such bliss emerges within you, go with it. However, if you are trying very hard to bliss out in order to avoid your life (again, it is typically relational issues that the ego wants to avoid) then this could be a form of "spiritual escapism" that will probably not work for very long. The situations in your life will typically only improve when you deal with them directly, and without denial.

I believe that our relationships are extremely important on a spiritual level, and that many seekers are (usually unconsciously) looking for any answer that would allow them to not deal with their relationships, because of fear of conflict or rejection. I've witnessed many people who identify as spiritual but don't understand that spiritual communication requires reciprocity.

If someone asks you a question, a spiritual response requires answering it, or perhaps saying "I don't feel comfortable answering that" or "I need some time to think about that." The amount of nonreciprocal communication going on all over the web is something that wouldn't occur in person or even over the phone, but on the Internet people often avoid questions or sometimes don't reply at all to a "friend's" contact. This doesn't reflect the realm of spirit which is a true web of contact.

Some may rationalize to themselves, "I'm too busy finding my bliss!" but true bliss that will spread across the planet requires impeccable communication skills. If you don't have time for a new friendship, stop accepting new friends into your social network. In many cases, it may be best to end relationships that no longer serve your growth so that you may open up more space in your life for new contact.

In the spiritual realm, interconnected communication "just is." As we look around in the physical world for answers that provide peace, we often miss what is right in front of us: the people we consider to be part of our commune-ity. So here are some suggestions for improving communication with the people you are choosing to include as a part of your life:

(1.) If you're in a problematic relationship (be it romantic, or otherwise), try to heal it directly. If it can't be healed, leave it. Don't drag yourself and the other person down energetically by avoiding its challenges while hoping for meditation, yoga, or other "spiritual answers" to bring you peace.

(2.) Deal with unfinished business in your family of origin. If you have unresolved issues with your family and are "tiptoeing" around them by saying you're busy or using some other technique of avoidance, drop the games. It doesn't matter how much time you spent with people in the past, or what they used to mean to you. If you can't work through unfinished business directly, the relationship isn't supporting your growth (or their growth).

(3.) If someone contacts you, respond. If you can't reply within a day or two, let that person know when you expect that you'll be able to reply. If that person makes an emotional statement, or any statement that you sense is important to them, don't ignore it. If that person asks a question, answer it, or explain why you don't feel comfortable answering it at this time. Don't blow off human contact if you want to have an authentic connection. And if you don't want to have a connection with someone, don't be afraid to end that relationship. It doesn't make you a bad person to initiate change. Life is always changing, and if all relationships were eternal we'd soon have absolutely no time for new connections.

(4.) In the era of the Internet we have many opportunities for meeting people on a daily basis. Yet we have to realistically assess how much contact we can have in our life if we don't want to live in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed by human contact. This means setting and reassessing our boundaries as an ongoing part of our social existence. Don't look for new contact if you don't have time for it. Don't accept friend requests on social sites if you don't even have time to reply to an introductory note from your new "friend." It may feel good to the ego to have "lots of friends" but it is meaningless and empty if you don't have time for contact with a thousand people. Of course, some people will want to "boost their numbers" to promote themselves and/or their business, but this should never be confused with human contact or friendship.

(5.) The philosopher Martin Buber spoke of "I-Thou" relationships vs. "I-It" relationships. He used these terms to describe the way people interact with each other. "I-Thou" means using contact and presence while communicating with another human being, while "I-It" means a superficial interaction that treats the other like an object. In the era of the web it has become easier than ever to treat people as an "It" instead of engaging in the sacred interaction of "I-Thou." If you feel that you're too busy to keep up with everyone in your life, it may be time to make some changes. The world is set up with "instructions" on how to end romantic relationships, but many people have no idea how to end friendships or relationships with family members. However, it simply requires direct communication of how you are feeling. Be honest with yourself about who makes you feel like a "Thou" and who makes you feel like an "It." Stop putting energy towards your It-interactions and invest in the Thou-relationships if you truly want to feel better and help the spiritual evolution of humanity.

Peace,
Chris

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Friendship 2.0 - A Poem by Mystic Life

2011-08-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

Friendship 2.0

She had written her friend 6 days ago.
And by now, everything she'd shared had changed.
Everything she had been so excited to talk about
(and by talk, she of course meant type)
was no longer relevant.

The only way to receive a timely reply from her friend
was to write no more than a sentence, maybe two.
And even when a response arrived,
there was only a 50% chance that her friend
would acknowledge any given question she had asked.

She tried to consider this normal,
the way things must be in a busy world
where we now have hundreds of friends.

During these last 6 days she scanned her friend's status updates,
reminders of everything her friend was choosing to do
other than respond.

The safe, benign, lowest common denominator-targeted postings
were kind of like human contact. Somewhat, anyhow.
It is sharing, after all.
And yet it was clear that the more aloof the post,
the more comments it would receive.

So during one restless night it became clear...
Her deepest longing was for true, reliable contact,
and reciprocal communication is all that satiates
the spirit's desire for connection and understanding.

Beneath this new moon it was time to rearrange everything,
stop reaching out for emptiness,
and ignore the hollow postings of the inconsistent and unavailable.

One reliable friend, she knew, was worth more to her
than a thousand thin strands of potential in a broken web.

- Mystic Life

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Suicidal Ideation & Spiritual Awakening

2011-07-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

I've noticed a pattern when reading about people who've become "awakened" or "enlightened." These powerful experiences are often preceded by an intense period of some degree of suicidal ideation. It's often as if the desire to die is a rite of passage one must move through before being able to release attachment to their socialized reality.

Suicide has been a topic I've been much more interested in since my father killed himself in 2002. Although he didn't leave a note or tell anyone beforehand about his motivations for ending his life, I'm fairly sure that in his case he was not on the verge of enlightenment (he was not very open to spirituality). My father was in the early stages of Parkinson's disease and his death, in my opinion, was a blend of euthanasia, over-identification with being a body, and unresolved emotional woundedness stemming from never feeling loved by his parents.

I believe that the act of actually killing yourself as part of an emerging spiritual identity is quite rare. However, the thoughts of no longer wanting to be here can be pervasive and intense as you begin to disidentify with the socialization in which you are immersed.

So why is the desire to no longer be in this world so common? I've identified two factors that I believe are relevant for many people who are in the process of awakening:

1. As we become attuned to spiritual truths, our perception shifts, and we see how much of what the world values is empty and meaningless. This can create a great deal of isolation and disconnectedness, leading to much less attachment to further existing in this realm. Additionally, we sense there is greater peace in the form of spirit...and a longing for that "lack of duality" can arise within us.

2. Although we may think that we want to end our life, what we actually want to end is the suffering caused by our thoughts. We most likely have only partially learned how to minimize the pain that our thinking creates, and so a compulsion to end our life can be viewed as one way of stopping the thoughts...or so we (unconsciously) desire. Personally, I believe suicide leads to reincarnation, and the same issues will come up again (most likely intensified), so suicide doesn't really end anything.

I share these perspectives in case anyone else has had related feelings...so you feel less alone regarding this "taboo" topic. It is scary to have such thoughts, let alone share them with others.

I have come to believe that although life in this world can be painful and seem somewhat pointless at times...we have all come here for a reason. I feel that those whose lives are spiritually focused have chosen before birth to come here and help bring greater peace to the world. As we transition from "What does the world have to offer me?" to "What can we offer?" there is greater harmony in our experience of life. To slightly modify J.F.K.'s famous words, "Ask not what the world can do for you, but what you can do for the world."

The joy of bringing more light to the world does not mean that we are required to live an ascetic life. Continue to eat food you like, watch entertainment you enjoy, and experience other Earthly delights. Concurrently, be open to the idea that there is (emerging within you) no greater reward than helping to bring peace to the world by developing a peaceful mind, developing integrity and compassion in your relationships, and helping others heal.

As your spiritual presence deepens, subtle and high vibrational pursuits will feel increasingly more delightful than amusement parks, sightseeing and other external experiences. Escapist activities only temporarily allow you to ignore the gnawing discomfort of a true identity that has not yet been discovered, and a mind that is not yet calm. Trust that there is something more powerful awaiting.

Peace,
Chris

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The Discomfort of Setting a Boundary with my Neighbor

2011-07-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

I often find that if someone calls who I don't want to talk to, it will occur when I'm in the shower. It's very strange how this is synchronized...and I appreciate it. Of course, I would check my Caller ID whether I was showering or not, but there's something nice about being oblivious to the phone ringing as I'm showering and listening to music.

Today's call was from my 90ish year old neighbor Faustino. He has some mobility issues and so I helped him a year ago remove some seedlings of a tree he despises (this type of tree spreads like weeds, apparently). The seedlings were in my neighbor's yard. Not Faustino's yard, but another neighbor he apparently feels less comfortable asking for assistance.

When I heard today's message from Faustino I felt tension arise in my body. I had already done quite a bit of gardening earlier in the day, was nicely clean and cool from my shower, and didn't want to go back out into the heat to deal with the seedlings he so hates. Additionally, it is a Saturday, and my other neighbor might be home. I would feel awkward if she saw me removing tiny tree-babies from her yard. In short, this felt like something I didn't want to deal with. I wanted to please Faustino, as he is a nice guy and has been a good neighbor. But my intuition was telling me, "I no longer want this to be my thing."

So I called him back. He asked about removing the seedlings, and I said to him, "Do you have my neighbor's phone number? If not, I can give it to you. Since it's in her yard I think you should contact her."

He replied, "Well, you took care of it before, and I thought you could just do it and then it would be done with."

"I'm trying," I said, "to set better boundaries in regards to doing things in my neighbor's yard."

He quickly thanked me for my time and hung up, perhaps a little dejection in his voice. About an hour later he called again, but didn't leave a message.

I noticed in my body that I felt uncomfortable and tense. I told myself that he probably wouldn't be that bitter, but he might act more distant should I run into him (which is only maybe twice a year, anyhow).

This situation felt karmic to me. I realized that by doing something I didn't want to do a year ago, I was expected to do it again. And this kind of situation can occur so often in one's life. We get into rituals that don't really serve us, and become slaves to our amicability.

I like to be liked. Most people do. But at the same time, as my sensitivity increases, it becomes more clear when I don't want to so something. I now realize that being liked simply isn't worth going against my feelings. So, ultimately, it felt good to step out of an obligation I did not desire. Should I have gone against my feelings and helped him again, it would've even more deeply solidified my role as seedling remover...a task I realized had nothing to do with me whatsoever.

[A bonus insight I just had: It is a day later and I am sunburned from the gardening I did yesterday. Had I gone against my feelings and spent more time outside, helping my neighbor, it'd be even worse. There's symbolism in this.]

Peace,
Chris

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Is Porn Okay?

2011-06-30T04:09:00.000-07:00

"Is porn OK?" was the subject line of an email I received from a spiritually focused friend of mine. I had mentioned to him as part of sharing about my desire to be single (until finding a truly compatible partner) that porn "helps."

His reply was:

you said "porn helps". While I wouldn't argue that and I certainly don't have any problems with sexuality and its many facets, I once read in a channeling that "porn is very low-vibratory". I'm not sure about that. Is that argument owed to christian-influenced prudery?

Certainly porn largely reduces the depicted persons (mostly women) to a sexual function. Where is the crucial point of balance there?

Instead of replying directly, I thought I'd blog about it...

Although I wouldn't want to date a porn actress (I don't tend to be drawn to women who've "taken in" a lot of unconscious male energy, and I'd be concerned about STDs, though I know they are regularly tested) I don't feel that what they do is bad. In fact, there are very few things, if any, I feel are bad if they don't hurt other people. Clearly, to do that kind of work takes a level of " energetic armor" that most spiritual/sensitive people wouldn't desire, but perhaps many of those in the porn industry require such a path to learn about themselves. It is all too easy to project upon others that what they do is "negative" simply because it is not appealing to us personally.

I feel that many people who channel from the spirit realm allow their values to influence the information that is "coming through." There are many low-vibrational energies in the world, but perhaps they are positive if utilized as part of one's journey. A friend of mine who became a professor of Women's Studies researched dancers who worked at a strip club, and found that in many cases it was a job that empowered them. This went against many assumptions that well-intentioned sensitive people hold.

Regarding porn, I recall learning in a graduate counseling class that the behavioral psychologist B.F. Skinner recommended that lonely, elderly people watch porn to feel better. As a behaviorist, he wasn't thinking in terms of right or wrong, he was looking at how a certain stimulus would affect the subject.

As for myself, I read recently that ejaculation is good for the prostate. Masturbation is thus clearly one of the more pleasurable ways to take care of one's health. Not having a partner, there are two ways that I can ejaculate through masturbation: internally created fantasies, or visual stimulation. I have heard some people can orgasm just through the pleasure of the touch they give themselves...with no other fantasy. I'm not one of those folks. In fact, I don't get aroused by thoughts of famous beautiful women or other females I don't know. I have to think of someone I know to get aroused.

I believe there is a downside to thinking about women I know. If it is someone from my past, the power of thought can lead me into nostalgia. If it is someone from my present whom circumstances disallow me from dating, that could be problematic in terms of putting thought energy in a direction that is futile. Using porn can be a way of getting aroused, getting a biological release, and avoiding semi-consciously "creating energy" with someone I know.

There is a long history of spiritual-sexual healing in many different cultures, and porn is a way of experiencing that energy via the media instead of in-person. I don't think that in-person sexual healing is necessarily a bad thing, but it's not something I'm drawn to for the same reasons I mentioned about not wanting to date a porn actress.

It's true that women are reduced to sexual objects in porn. So are men. Both genders are portrayed in a carnal, ravenous light. I feel that this is an important part of the fantasy they provide. In real life we have to hold back on our attractions because we are empathic, respect others' boundaries and/or want to be appropriate members of society. But our biological inheritance still pulses within us. Some people enjoy tender, softcore porn in which people act very loving towards each other. Personally, I like fantasies where people have just met on the street, or there's some other kind of newness or uniqueness to their situation. I actually get turned off if the porn characters are "boyfriend & girlfriend" or "husband & wife." I'd much rather see a naughty nurse seduce a male who has come to the hospital for a penis reduction evaluation. Actually, all kinds of nurse fantasies turn me on. I've often felt as though this is because I wasn't adopted until I was over 5 months old, and believe my earliest "attachment figures" were nurses and other female caregivers.

I heard recently that in the United States, a study showed that states that had a higher rate of pornography consumption had lower incidents of sexual assault. The correlation doesn't necessarily imply causality, but I do feel that fantasy and release can lower an aggressive, animalistic impulse that most people have within them. Catharsis calms our biological drives, and lessens the desires that can lead to impulsive, selfish actions.

On a lighter note, I feel that fantasy assists me in taking my time as a single person, and helps me experience some of the aspects of a sexual relationship without settling. In other words, I wouldn't want to be with someone I don't truly love just to be having sex. I'm too sensitive to the overall energy of a person, and don't want to make the mistake I've made in the past of trying to overlook incompatible traits just for the sake of being in a sexual relationship.

Peace,
Chris

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Few Things Are Truly Problems

2011-06-27T03:27:00.000-07:00

I was reflecting tonight on how all we really need is food, water, sleep and shelter. If we have those 4 things, we're in good shape. And yet the human mind is so often upset about so many different things. We have learned in this world that it is acceptable to be upset about a variety of things that really don't threaten our well-being. Instead, these various concerns are often just a threat to our ego.

To diminish our ego, it's helpful to ask ourselves when upset: Am I endanger of losing the ability to acquire food, water, sleep or shelter? Usually, the answer is no. And (as an added bonus) if we have fewer worries, we're more likely to sleep well. When well-rested, we manifest our other basic needs by receiving guidance with greater clarity.

One thing that we may worry about that really doesn't threaten our well-being in reality is what others are up to. Like most things, not worrying about what others think, do, or say takes practice. Most of us have incorrectly learned that the behaviors of others are very important, but they're not. All that's important is that we are not subjecting ourselves unnecessarily to unpleasant behaviors. As long as we can set boundaries, we are being self-respecting, and not allowing opinions or words to infiltrate our peaceful sphere of being.

Although money is an important part of life, it is tempting in this world to not care about money, especially if you're on a spiritual path. In comparison to the higher goals you are here to achieve, money seems rather insignificant at times. However, money is merely a symbol that represents choices. The more choices you have, the less time you spend in "survival mode" and are more free to explore more interesting aspects of life. So if you're feeling economically challenged, stop focusing on insignificant things, then listen for guidance. If you're clear, you will be guided in a direction that will help you take care of your basic needs. Simply follow through with what you're guided to do, and you'll be fine.

When you are able to take care of yourself, you'll naturally feel drawn to helping others take care of themselves as well. Sometimes you will feel charitable and share what you have, and sometimes you will be even more helpful if you empower others to take care of themselves so you are not creating dependence. Each situation is different, and if you listen to your feelings, you'll know how to handle it.

Imagine a world in which everyone has food, water, sleep and shelter. There would still be other challenges to overcome, but it would be a truly wonderful thing if everyone had the ability to have their basic needs met. It is actually an attainable goal. Hold on to this vision of abundance and you will help to manifest a more peaceful world.

Peace,
Chris

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Release Yourself from Projecting Upon the Future

2011-06-16T20:25:00.001-07:00

Psychologist George Kelly observed that much of human behavior is motivated by trying to make the future more predictable.

This tendency seems to stem from basic survival concerns (if you know where your next meal is coming from, you'll feel more safe). However, as we move beyond "life as mere survival," concerns about the future can create great limitations in one's ability to enjoy life.

I've realized recently how much of our disappointment comes from our reality not matching our "past expectations of the future." In other words, it is common to imagine what next week, next month, or next year will look like...and, when we reach those points in time, we will feel upset (even if it is unconscious) when our present doesn't live up to what we had hoped for.

There are contemporary spiritual approaches that put a great deal of emphasis upon "envisioning your future" as you would like it to be. Personally, these approaches don't work for me. They take me a way from the now, and any desire for things to be different comes from the limitations of my mind. In my experience, the universe always has much better things in store for me than I can come up with for myself. Surrender is the key. I don't believe we can walk a congruent path when we are littering our thoughts with preferences of how things should be.

Things are as they are. If we're guided in the moment to change something, then we can change it. Surrendering to guidance and the flow of life doesn't mean not taking action. It simply means not getting ahead of ourselves with assumptions of how situations in the future would make us happier than we are now. Living in the future takes us away from the present, which is the only place that truly exists.

So instead of creating a cloud of hopes in front of you, keep the air clear. Live in this moment and let go of attachments about what the next chapter will be about. It doesn't really matter. The universe never gives us any situation that we can't handle, so we don't have to anticipate potential pitfalls, nor must we delude ourselves into believing that things must be different in our life situation before we can be content.

Contentment is right here, right now, if we want it. All we have to do is decide to be at peace with what is. For a peaceful mind, we must let go of all the advertising we've absorbed about acquisition leading to improvement, and replacing it with the practices of acceptance and living in the present.

Peace,
Chris

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A Liberating Approach to Love - Contentment With What Is

2011-04-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

Most everyone on the spiritual path understands the importance of living in the present. However, it is easy to exclude love from this practice. Because of our deep, sociobiological cravings that push us to search for a mate (and the socialization that perpetuates the myth that this is all we're here to do), we can easily slip into expecting romantic love to be the one area of life in which there should be some kind of guarantee and long term security. This can put pressure upon love and get us into the false belief that now is not enough.

Perhaps in part it is the fear of "dying alone" that keeps us so attached to the desire for illusory security. Of course, it is nearly impossible that both members of a partnership avoid dying alone anyhow, unless in rare instances where they both die in the exact same moment. How we live, in my opinion, should be based on issues of life, not issues of death. And it is increasingly clear to me that living in the present and letting it be enough is the key to an enjoyable life.

I have explored monogamy, polyamory and solitude. Within me exists a lingering, gnawing biological craving for MORE. More love, more sex, and more attention. However, I am gradually learning that none of the aforementioned 3 states of relating (monogamy, polyamory, or solitude) is inherently "better" than the others. Having a peaceful mind and living in the moment can happen in any state, but it is undeniably impossible to achieve peace during a mindset of "wanting."

If I am alone, I am fine. One lover, fine. Two lovers, fine. It is truly all good if I let it be. I am personally not interested in having children, so this inner drive to procreate that can so easily dominate my thoughts and actions is pointless. I've outgrown my sociobiological drive, similarly to how I have evolved beyond the usefulness of an appendix. And so, I am now allowing myself to shift from animal-motivation to spirit-motivation.

My spirit motivates me towards more peace in my life. So I set boundaries, eliminate negative relationships, embrace positive relationships, take care of whatever needs to be taken care of, and allow the details of each day to emerge. Living simply can be deeply fulfilling if it is free of longing for the perpetual illusion that something needs to be added to this moment for it to be "enough." Now is enough. I am fine.

Peace,
Chris

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Rain and Emotions

2011-03-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

So the forecast for the Bay Area predicts rain for the next 10 or so days. Usually, I believe, the rainy season doesn't go this late. Usually, it seems, there are no more than a few days of rain before a break. But this is looking like solid rain.

I find myself feeling sad about this. It has helped me realize that the weather can take me out of the present quite easily. In reality, wonderful things may happen during this rainy phase. But they are less likely to happen if I am expecting to feel down.

Additionally, forecasts around here are rarely accurate for more than a day or two into the future. I wouldn't be tomorrow if the sun came out tomorrow afternoon.

I have negative associations of gray, rainy days, growing up in Michigan when I didn't yet have the techniques for coping with emotions that I have now. These past associations may be part of what comes up for me in the present. It's amazing that after all of the work I've done on myself, something as simple and basic as the weather can affect me so strongly.

I prefer the sun, but cognitive psychology would say I suffer when I try to make that preference a MUST.

These are the things I will keep in mind: the forecast may not be accurate; if it is accurate, sunny days are only a preference; I've felt sad on many sunny days so they are not a guarantee of joy; stay in the present; try to not judge what is happening.

Peace,
Chris

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The Importance of Breathing...All The Time

2010-11-27T02:50:00.000-08:00

I was reflecting tonight on why anxiety is associated with not breathing. Why do we "hold our breath" when in a tense situation? It occurred to me that when we were living lives threatened by stalking animals, our breathing could give us away. So we held our breath until danger passed.

I recently noticed that while playing the video game "Civilization Revolution" I held my breath when an important battle ensued. It was just a game, but my body was responding as if I might be noticed and attacked by a lion. It's amazing that this pattern of "breath holding" continues into contemporary living.

I would like to overcome this pattern. I would like to breath comfortably...all the time. The only time I would like my breath to be irregular is if I'm purposely doing connected breathwork to release tension. I have the feeling that if I were breathing regularly all the time I would not require as much connected breathwork as that technique seems to be a release of pent up tension.

When I first started having regular panic attacks around 1994, I had a hard time getting properly diagnosed. Eventually I ended up in a panic disorder group, and from a medical perspective the facilitator said that the two things that trigger a panic attack are a build up of either carbon dioxide or lactic acid. In other words, not breathing well, or holding tension in your muscles.

So to live without panic one must simply keep breathing, and relax. It sounds easy, but we are conditioned to be "on the lookout" for danger. What we consider dangerous now is different than our early ancestors. We now worry about things like social status, gossip, and money. Gone are the threats of wild animals. They have been replaced by fears related to how we are perceived by others and other minutia.

There is a reciprocal relationship between breathing and well-being. When we feel good, we breathe well. When we breathe well, we feel better. So consciousness of how we are breathing is one of the simplest ways to increase our enjoyment of life.

As a practice, I will commit to being more conscious of my breathing, and make sure that I continue to breathe easily. There are no threats in my life except what my ego conjures up to keep me in fear. I'm going to commit to staying relaxed, and breathing easily because I prefer to live a peaceful, enjoyable existence.

Peace,
Chris

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Healing Without Victim Consciousness

2010-11-23T17:08:00.001-08:00

It is tempting to become a victim when we are "wronged" by another, but I find it useful to reflect on why it is that something occurred, and how it relates to my own past behavior. For example, if someone lies to me, I ask myself, "Who have I deceived."

Instead of identifying as a victim of another person, I try to right the wrongs of my past, and apologize to those I've deceived. This seems to resolve karma and help heal current pains.

Of course, there may still be a need for sadness and anger as one goes through the grief process. Nevertheless, seeing how we may have created a negative experience as a result of our own choices is ultimately a more empowering way to experience life than feeling like a victim of random circumstances.

The issue of past life actions complicates things somewhat, but we can discern from our current life challenges what we may have brought into this life. I find that most of my difficulties make sense within the context of my actions in this life, but I do believe I brought some unfinished business in this world. It makes sense if one does harm to another then dies before resolving their karma, they are going to have challenges in the next life that help create empathy.

Ultimately, it is all about building empathy. When we cross another person's boundaries, we understand on a visceral level why that it is a poor choice when we have our own boundaries crossed later on.

Perhaps when we have resolved our karma there is no longer a need for disease, deterioration, or even death? Perhaps we can only find inner peace when we have taken responsibility for all of our actions, and have come to clarity about why we have experienced various challenges in this life. Until then, the lessons keep coming.

Peace,
Chris

Peace,
Chris

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Guilt: The EndGame

2010-11-23T02:18:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that during the process of cleaning up one's karma (apologizing, making amends for one's pre-conscious time of life) it can feel kind of like a death.

I've come to believe that the ego is a trickster, and one of its most sneaky moves is to try to convince us that at any moment we may be dying or going crazy.

I've found that as I've been taking ownership of my past behavior and clearing up unfinished business, there have been times where I've felt that I may be dying. I feel "strange" and don't know what to make of it.

However, I feel that it's really just something leaving me body...a heavy energy letting go of its grip as guilt is released. When there is a shift in how I feel, the first thing my ego does is convince me I'm losing my mind, or losing my life.

But I'm not losing either. I'm just losing the burden of guilt...and moving forward with less heaviness, and fewer self-defeating choices.

Peace,
Chris

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The Magnetic Full Moon Arrives in Ten Minutes

2010-10-22T18:28:00.001-07:00

I was strongly feeling the "pull" of the full moon this evening. The wall calendar in my kitchen says the full moon isn't until tomorrow, but apparently it goes by a time zone more than 6 hours ahead of mine. I did some research and found http://www.almanac.com/moon which allows you to enter your location to get your exact "full moon time." I was intrigued but not entirely surprised to find that it was about to peak in 15 minutes.

It's strange that I can feel the moon so strongly. I'm a Cancer and so the moon is my "planet" which may have something to do with my sensitivity to this phase. It's now 6:32pm and the moon will be peaking in 6 minutes. Part of me feels like I should do something "special" at the exact moment it peaks, but nothing comes to mind as of yet.

I'll try to describe it's effect on me. Part of me felt sadness earlier, which may have been exacerbated by the weather outside being cloudy. Northern California had an extended summer, and is now getting into the rainy season. I've also felt "scattered" which is another effect I feel from the full moon. I feel as though my mood could change easily from very positive to very negative. Knowing that the full moon is going on helps me from taking these feelings too seriously.

Earlier I was thinking about feeling as though I was part werewolf...feeling like howling, feeling the intensity of the moon. I also felt more irritated than usual, finding myself annoyed with situations or people that wouldn't normally bother me.

Oh moon, I'd hate you for being so difficult energetically if I didn't know on a deeper level that there is a purpose to this increased sensitivity. You are a magnet, and you teach me about every little aspect of ego that lingers within me. You show me whatever I normally try to ignore, even the dark stuff. You're my mirror, and you make sure that no matter what I'm occupying myself with in the material world I will stop and feel everything that is going on that is still unresolved within me.

And now you are peaking as I write these final sentences. Thanks for the discomfort, because I understand it is not some random punishment...it is the price of heightened self-awareness.

Peace,
Chris

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Coffee and Marijuana Cultures

2010-08-26T17:58:00.001-07:00

I'm more familiar with the marijuana culture than the coffee culture in terms of direct experience. I've never been drawn to stimulants as a lack of energy hasn't been a problem for me. However, I've witnessed a great deal of "coffee culture mentality" and would like to make some observations about it.

Recently I read a study that said that coffee drinkers are no more energetic than non-coffee drinkers. It stated that coffee drinkers are simply traying to prevent the effects of withdrawl by continuing to drink coffee regularly. Because coffee addiction is so common, it is not generally perceived as drug abuse. When the majority of people in a society use a drug, it becomes more of a sacrament than a problem. However, as a non-coffee-drinker, I am able to look at it from the outside without the subjective influence that comes from being addicted to a drug.

In marijuana culture (by the way, I no longer drink or use drugs of any kind, including caffeine) people turn the drug into an object of fetish. They get good feelings when they hear about it, and they tell themselves it doesn't cause any problems in their life because they feel they need it to feel good. Similarly, coffee users will talk a lot about how good it feels to just sit and drink their cup of coffee, how peaceful their relationship with coffee is. However, it appears that the "peace" they feel is actually the prevention of an addict's withdrawl. The relationship with a cup of coffee has been romanticized so that it's not seen as a problematic drug, but it's actually similar to someone injecting heroin to calm down after not having access to the drug for awhile. I haven't witnessed withdrawl amongst marijuana users that is nearly as powerful as coffee withdrawl.

Marijuana users like to joke about their use, laugh about getting high. Coffee drinkers like to make jokes like, "Don't talk to me until I've had my first cup!" Using humor in association with an addiction helps to enable the addiction. People will be less likely to challenge usage of something if it's considered funny.

I've noticed in my process of online dating that when there are lists such as "Things You Can't Live Without", coffee is often listed. This is a turn off to me because I don't want to date someone that's addicted to something. However, people probably often list coffee without any idea that they're being perceived as an addict. They know they love coffee...and the thought of not having it in their life induces anxiety...so of course they list it.

In most cases, people who are addicted to a stimulant have problems generating enough energy to get through their day. Often times they don't enjoy their work, and their coffee use is a way to get through the day by using a socially acceptable drug. I believe that by powering through your resistance, you may miss out on your body's message that you would be better off changing your life. In other words, if you need a drug to get through your workday, perhaps your body is telling you that this is not the work that fulfills your soul. People can change, but it takes effort. It takes little effort to take a stimulant, and thus so many people remain stuck and frustrated.

I believe that when our life is alligned with our true purpose, we naturally have enough energy to move us through our day. I feel that having energy is the natural result of living congruently. If you don't want to get out of bed to go to work in the morning, you could use cocaine, speed, nicotine or coffee...and many people do. But on the level of our deepest purpose, we are not here just to "get through the day" or "live for the weekend" or "look forward to vacations." If you are willing to listen to your inner voice, and change your life so that it is alligned with your highest guidance, you will feel better. However, if you continue to use stimulants you will suffocate the voice of spirit. You have to be courageous enough to drop your crutches if you wish for your inner guidance to be clear. It's challenging, but any great change towards personal evolution takes courage and commitment.

Drop your addictions. It may hurt for a little while, but in the long run you won't regret it.

Peace,
Chris

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Love is Reciprocity

2010-06-17T13:03:00.001-07:00

I'm finding that what nourishes me is interacting with people who reciprocate in a complete and timely manner. It can lower my esteem to reach out to someone who takes a week or more to reply, or does not answer questions I ask, or respond to things I share.

Some people are busier than others, and that is something I must keep in mind since I have the time to respond within a day. However, some people are avoidant. It seems as though certain topics are triggering to them, so they use avoidance to cope with their triggers. Ultimately if people become less triggered (have resolved their internal conflicts) then they become more capable of reciprocating.

Since I grew up with a mother who was uncomfortable with emotional reciprocation, and a father who was relatively disinterested in my life (and triggered by my interest in computers since he fought against computers as they were integrated into his field of mechanical engineering) I have received mirroring that states that I don't matter. If I believe in this mirroring, I will continue to reach out to be seen by those who don't reciprocate, which feels bad since it reinforces feelings of unimportance.

It seems that denial can arise when I look at this dynamic because it sometimes may mean that I am left with myself. However, there is an individual form of reciprocity which I'm still learning about. It is about the reciprocity between my actions and my guidance. If I receive guidance, for example, about setting a boundary with someone, but I don't do it...this creates a lack of reciprocity which creates stagnation. If I follow my guidance by taking action where needed, and aligning my behavior with what I know works, then I receive more guidance. Spirit wants to come into this world, and so taking appropriate action helps the material world become similar to the world of spirit. If this is what we are here to do, then it is important to not resist guidance, because it will lead to feeling "stuck."

Metaphoriclly, reciprocity is like the exchange of water between the sky and the ground. If the clouds withheld, the ground would become too dry. If the water on the ground didn't evaporate, it wouldn't move around. Similarly, when we share, information moves around and human evolution can occur.

I would like all of my relationships to have this kind of symbiosis. However, I must recognize as a teacher/healer that people do withhold, are triggered, and sometimes blocked. Therefore, I must turn to another metaphor to stay healthy: The metaphor of the star. The star doesn't ask for anything from any planets or asteroids which orbit around it. The star gives from within, and continues to gives without expectations.

In our world we call call people "stars" when they entertain us...musicians and actors, mostly. However, anyone who watches or reads biographies can see how many "stars" are looking for reciprocity...they are looking to be filled up by attention, awards, and acclaim. This is another form of reciprocity, and typically not a healthy one...because the "fans" wish they were "stars" and the "stars" depend upon the fans for a sense of self.

The true stars of this world are spiritual teachers who share without need, give without expectation. They may have a cloud/ground relationship with others who are capable of giving and receiving, but if they are happy they don't confuse their role as a sun with their role in a cloud/ground relationship. Perhaps they have no cloud/ground relationship, such as when Eckhart Tolle lived in a park for two years. He was a sun, and he was at peace.

If we feel drawn to spiritual teaching then it is important to know when we are called upon to be a sun, and when we are in a reciprocting relationship that gives us the quenching shared water we desire. If we can transcend the need for water, we are connected to our own source...but as we work on healing our emotional wounds, we may find it helpful to seek reciprocity along our journey.

There are some who block out all light. These people are not worth our time as a sun. They are surrounded by a thick layer of volcanic ash that blocks out any warmth, and only when the ash clears can they receive. They can be like "black holes" that can suck away the energy of the star. Even the greatest teachers/healers can't help them until they are ready.

There are also those who are like planets, who feel the warmth from the star they orbit. They have yet to realize their own star-like qualities, so they receive warmth (in the form of insight) from the star. Eventually, with work, planets can become stars, and warm others who need it.

So the key is to shine upon those who benefit from the warmth, and to exchange the water of emotional vulnerability with those who are invested in giving and receiving. To do otherwise is an underutilization of our energy, and will not contribute to our personal evolution, or the evolution of humanity.

Peace,
Chris

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My Triumphant Return to Monogamy

2010-06-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, which was exactly one month ago, I decided to pursue monogamy instead of polyfidelity. During the last 7 months, since my breakup, I realized that an interest in polyfidelity (which was a carry over from my last relationship and prior intrigue) may very well be a way to ensure that I would get the aloneness I needed to reconnect with myself more fully.

Within the last month or two, I've been feeling more healed and whole. I also found that my pursuit of polyfidelity was simply not being rewarded by the universe, so I started to question it and examine it more deeply.

I realized that when I thought about it, I felt conflicted about having more than one lover. I even thought of practical concerns regarding the discomfort of 3 people sleeping in one bed, as well as "Who would I call in an emergency?" if I had 2 partners? I started to realize there was a level of complexity in the dynamic that wasn't appealing.

I also realized that none of my past relationships were really that great, and that I couldn't blame monogamy for that fact. The problem was that I wasn't patient enough to manifest the kind of partner who would be truly compatible. Additionally, I wasn't aware of who I was to the point where I am now.

Another aspect that I've realized is that non-monogamy may feed into a form of self-denial which may stem from not feeling "good enough" for someone's focused love. If they always love someone else, that can contribute to suppressed ideas about my self-worth as a partner. Of course, the thought of loving that other person as well offset that fear in the conscious realm, but since I don't feel that any of my past relationships have been at the level of potential that I'm capable of, I think there was a shadow side to the idea of non-exclusive love.

When I recently decided to explore monogamy I was concerned that I might feel anxious or panicky in the ensuing days. However, that hasn't been the case. I'm actually looking forward to it. I was essentially monogamous during my last relationship which lasted 5 years, and it wasn't that difficult. I think that as I develop spiritually and my priorities change, sexual diversity isn't a big deal as it was when I was in my twenties. Now I'm really drawn to trust, contact, presence, a deep connection, and other feelings and values that are available in a committed relationship.

Another thing that I realized is that I really don't want my partner to be with another man, and that is why a MFF triad could be appealing, but not polyamory. I figure that although I may want to transcend all ego, I have to admit where I'm at. In the past 12 years or so since discovering polyamory I found that I only felt unattached to my partner being intimate with another man if I didn't love her. I've surrendered to the fact that I do have attachment to exclusivity, and I don't feel obliged to try to be in a space other than where I'm at.

I've also reflected recently upon the idea that sex (and therefore sexual diversity) is not that big of a deal now that I've come to accept that I don't want to have children, and that sex (although healing and connecting) isn't really a central part of a spiritual path. I believe it can enhance that path and I certainly prefer being sexual to being celibate, but I don't need to have sex with multiple people in order to be authentic. I just need to be honest with myself and my partner about where I'm at. In this moment, I believe that a committed sexual union with one partner could be a deeply fulfilling experience as long as it is someone with whom I feel an authentic, comfortable connection.

Lastly, I've reflected on how this whole experiment of exploring the concept of polyamory, and finding it ultimatley unrewarding, and unrewarded by the universe, has prepared me to be more effective in a monogamous relationship by not wondering "what I'm missing out on." I believe that had I not taken a poly path for awhile and tried to make that work, I would've wondered what lusty and satiating world I was missing out on. However, after exploring it, I can safely say...it's not all a utopian fantasy.

Peace,
Chris

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Musings on Polyfidelity, Ego & Thinking

2010-05-04T12:03:00.001-07:00

I find that sometimes, when I'm not content, my ego will try to get me to doubt my interest in polyfidelity. I'm fairly certain that being in a MFF triad would feel preferable to monogamy at this point in my life, not only for the flexibility, diversity, and "tribe" feeling...but as an opportunity to learn about myself. Nevertheless, my ego will take any opportunity to create doubt as when I'm in doubt I'm less about bringing spirit into this realm, and more about maintaining worship of the mind.

The ego is a subset of my mind, and I've been telling myself since last night that if I find myself thinking in ways that aren't helpful, I can just switch my focus to my breath, and practice not thinking while breathing. This is basically switching to a meditative state. It feels empowering, and something that I would like to practice more often.

Eckhart Tolle has talked about de-emphasizing thoughts and switching from identifying with the mind to seeing thinking as a tool that sometimes comes in handy. I love this idea (my spirit resonates with this truth) while I'm sure it stirs up my ego because it is the aspect of the mind that doesn't just want to think helpful thoughts but wants me to identify with it. In other words, I went through life thinking that I was the collection of my thoughts, and my body...and so to switch over to spirit identification creates disharmony in the system that has gotten me this far. In other words, switching from seeing myself as a bunch of thoughts in a body to seeing myself as my eternal essence is a rebirth that has pain associated with it in terms of letting go of the familiar.

The thing that always comes up in terms of polyfidelity is not whether or not I would enjoy such a system, but whether or not I can wait long enough to experience that kind of love. Fears comes up in terms of "going crazy" in my aloneness and therefore needing to "try monogamy" to stay grounded. Obviously, this is not a very good motivation for trying a system of love that I've already tried without success.

For awhile one of my "resistance thoughts" was about how focusing on finding a polyfi partner was limiting me from the potential love of all of the women who are straight and monogamous, therefore limiting myself from many potential love experiences. Last night I realized: yes, this is true...but it is also true that when those who prefer monogamy look for such a partner, they eliminate potential love with those who are polyamorous. So whatever we choose, there is always a form of limitation in play. The trick is to find a system that works for one's self and then focus on imagining it in form, while being content with whatever is unfolding in the journey towards that goal. When I've thought back on monogamous situations, I've always desired something else. And since most monogamous relationships have infidelity, I'm clearly not alone. To question the system of cheating dyads makes me a pioneer, and the trail is full of challenges when blazing a new route.

Of course, all I can do is focus upon finding a system that I think will work for me while concurrently understanding that it may change. I may awaken to different guidance and truly prefer a monogamous setting. I may decide to be monogamous with someone I know, or someone I meet. But at this time, it feels most congruent, in terms of "how am I fishing" to keep moving towards that which has felt most congruent for quite some time.

In my last relationship I enjoyed the idea that we were moving towards a MFF triad, an equilateral triangle. I was clearly guided to continue that pursuit after that relationship ended. My hurt and doubt can say that the triad dream must end with that relationship...but I know that there is no reason that to give up on my own vision just because I was with a liar who wasn't clear about what she wanted. I can't give up on what feels most appropriate for me just because I went through a disillusioning experience. And besides, I know that a triad with honest women would feel better than something scraped together with whomever happened to be available at the time.

So it comes back to being okay with my aloneness in the interim. My ego may say, "be celibate til you find the perfect situation" but if intimacy arises during the journey, all I have to ask myself is "does this feel congruent" and continue forward if it does. In other words, I may fear that exploring intimacy with someone not interested in a triad will curtail my goals. But all I have to do is make sure that my preference is known (if indeed it still is my preference) and make sure I don't have any hidden agendas that would be unfair to a partner. If something else is meant to be in the future, intimacy will not prevent it from manifesting. Anyone who would hold that against me would clearly not be a partner who is meant to be in my life.

My ego can also tell me that I don't offer enough to a potential partner. In reality, I feel that I offer a lot. When I look around at others in this world, I can feel pretty good about where I'm at in terms of being authentic. So why do I go into self-defeating thoughts? It seems that because I've eliminated negative mirroring in my life, the pattern can only continue on from within. It's like the Panopticon. Although there are no guards watching my behavior and making sure that I don't do anything wrong, I'm still feeling like a prisoner who is being judged.

In reality, I'm very free. I can do whatever I want. If I want to fly to Hawaii, I will. If I want to take a road trip to the ocean, I will. In reality, my focus is more about how to interact with my mind and my home in a way that brings harmony. But my ego will compare me to those who have "regular work" and feel a need to travel and do other things that bring greater lightness to their heavy lives. My life is far from heavy. Only my mind can be heavy, if it goes "unchecked." But I feel that I'm conscious enough to witness myself on a regular basis and not give too much credence to my thoughts that are self-defeating.

I'm thinking now about Marianne Williamson's quote from "A Return To Love":

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This feels so important at this time. I suppressed myself because I was not valued by others who were incapable of true love. But dimming my light because I was unloved by those who did not know what love is, is completely unnecessary. Now if LOVE/THE UNIVERSE/GOD told me I did not deserve to shine...that's another story. But that isn't happening. I have to keep trusting in my right to shine, and not give my power away to those who do not understand what power is, or are too enwrapped in their own ego to possibly be able to understand how another deserves happiness and love.

Peace,
Chris

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Surrendering to Becoming a Spiritual Teacher

2010-02-27T01:24:00.000-08:00

I once knew a Buddhist monk who was living with my girlfriend's family. We were looking through some photos from my girlfriend's sister's wedding, and when the monk saw a picture of all three sisters he said, "Why did I become a monk?"

My girlfriend said, "You didn't take a vow of celibacy though, did you?"

He said, "No, but it's hard to find a sexual partner when you live life as a Buddhist monk."

Or something to that effect.

I was watching Eckhart Tolle tonight on dvd, and realizing that I resonated so much with what he was sharing. I realized that my greatest suffering comes from not "fitting in" in this world, and wishing I had more people in my life who perceived the world in a manner that was compatible to my own values.

And this is of course what I must release: the desire for things to be different than they are.

And this is what I must embrace: that I can not turn back from the path of journeying towards enlightenment.

I believe that the strongest resistance to my path comes from my ego's assertion that to be honest, to be sensitive to energy, and to be disinterested in so many of the distractions of the world means that I will be eternally celibate.

I tell myself, "Well, Eckhart Tolle has a partner with whom he is physically intimate." But my ego is not interested in a rational conversation. My ego wants to dissuade me from focusing on spirituality since only spiritual identification can destroy the ego. So it tries to convince me that things like quantity, and "percentage of the female population interested in me" matter.

The sociobiological programming to procreate is quite strong. I've known for many years, perhaps 15 or so, that I'm not interested in procreating or raising a child. I believe the reason for this is that I feel on a heart level a parental energy towards all people and a desire to help them ease their suffering...and the energy it would take to raise a child would only distract me from my true purpose.

And so if the purpose of sex is to create children, I would have no use for it. And yet I desire sexual healing, sexual tenderness, sexual release. The desire is not as strong as when I was young, but it is still present.

I know there is no need to relinquish or deny my desire for sexuality, but it is an interesting topic to explore. It seems that many people desire a partner with whom they can act out cyclical dramas as opposed to someone who is interested in healing. On a conscious level, we all want healing, but the unconscious desire to re-enact past traumas is strong. When I was unconscious I had an easier time finding a partner. However, I was much less choosey when I was unconscious and it was easier to find someone who represented my own unresolved family issues.

If I am to communicate too the universe that it is sexuality that will give me healing, then I am being somewhat disingenuous. In reality, I believe that it is a peaceful mind that brings healing...and that sex is not necessary. However, I'm influenced by the book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse in which the protagonist "moves through" the various attachments instead of denying them. I feel that I am not done with sex, though I can no longer make sexual decisions that deny my sensitivity to incompatible energy in a partner. So it's a matter of prioritization.

My challenge is to simply live in the moment without attachment to the timing of situations. I need not pretend to be disinterested in sex, nor do I need to try to "force" a situation that may become sexual because pushing the river only creates frustration.

My ego is so much less powerful than it once was. I can feel its desperation as it dwindles. It knows that sex has been a source of comfort since I was a maturbating adolescent. Thankfully, it doesn't have the same "grip" as that anxiety-ridden stage of my existence.

Thankfully, I understand that although I have much to learn, I do believe that the spiritual path contains the promise of peace, and I have glimpsed enough of that peace to know that it is not simply a pipe dream.

Peace,
Chris

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The Universe Knows Better Than Our Ego

2010-02-06T02:38:00.000-08:00

So my ego thought that it knew what was best today. It (I in my ego state) thought it would be "better" if a mobile mechanic came to my home and fixed my car's air conditioning system. It didn't work out yesterday (the guy who was supposed to come fix it never showed up, and never called) but I was sure it was just a matter of finding the right person.

And I did...after many placing many calls out to the Mobile Mechanics of Craigslist. I found a guy who said he could come over around 3:15pm. His wife, who handled his calls, said he was sometimes late...so I figured he might come over by 4pm. Around 4:30pm his wife called and said he was doing an emergency repair, and that he'd be a bit delayed...perhaps 6pm. Around 6:30pm I found he was still delayed...and so on...until finally after 10pm he called me and said he wouldn't be able to make it.

During this nearly 7 hour delay, I felt an increasing tension in my body. I tried myself it didn't matter...that I still had a couple months until the weather would be warm enough to require air conditioning in my car. But alas, nothing worked. The tension continued to build, and I considered simply cancelling the appointment, and calling another mechanic who said he could do it tomorrow. Earlier in the day a guy who I had talked to said he was ready to come over, but I told him I had another mechanic scheduled by then (Sir DelaysAlot).

Anyhow, I was disappointed when I found out it wasn't going to happen...but also relieved. I soon understood that the tension in my body was my intuition telling me that this was not the way to fix my car's air conditioning system. I knew (but denied) that taking it to a garage would be better because they had the proper equiptment to do a thorough job, vacuum out the system, for example...something a mobile mechanic wouldn't do.

My ego wanted it to just be done with. But the tense part of me that felt uncomfortable with doing it the "quick and easy" way knew that I didn't want to have it done in some mediocre manner that would just lead to the freon being depleted within another half year. I knew, on a deeper level, that I wanted it done professionally and correctly.

So, coordinating it being done right will take more effort, but it will be worth it! I sense, on some level, that my karma is good, and so the universe wouldn't allow it to happen in a way that would leave me feeling less secure about the repair. At the time, however, I didn't feel blessed or "helped" by the universe...I felt frustrated, punished and confused about why it wasn't happening the way I wanted to unfold.

But this is what I'm learning. I'm understanding every day how things really work. And if I pay attention to subtle energy, I can often notice that when something is not "in flow" it is simply not meant to be.

In the past I could "force it anyhow" but fortunately, as I raise my vibration through living in truth and integrity, the universe will not allow me to make the same mistakes I used to make. Thank you for frustrating me, universe! I'll try to keep in mind that when I feel frustrated it's simply because there's something I don't yet understand.

A day later (update)...

So I awoke the next morning feeling as though I should call some mechanics and ask them about whether or not air conditioners needed to be vacuumed in a shop. It turns out this is only necessary if there is a differnt type of antifreeze being used. I found a mobile mechanic who had a nice personality and seems trustworthy. The story isn't over yet but it goes to show that one "interpretation" can seem to make sense one moment, and then another comes along.

I realized today I had a great deal of resistance to the other mechanic coming out yesterday because his wife, who I spoke to on the phone, was very ill...and I figured he may have her illness (cold or flu) too. So one of the things that is being "tested" for me is my belief about illness. Do I believe we manifest illness when we are out of alignment with our truth or need some lessons...or is it simply a random occurrence related to viruses. I had fear that it would be risky to expose myself to possible illness, so that may have been part of what disallowed the other guy from coming over yesterday. Also, I didn't really care for his personality. And one last synchronicity was that the guy who ended up coming over today has the same name as a friend of mine who wrote me back who I hadn't heard from in over 30 years (a friend from elementary school). It's always interesting to look for patterns and symbolism in names.

Peace,
Chris

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Feeling Good Without External Gratification

2010-02-05T01:40:00.001-08:00

I feel as though I've discovered a treasure within the exploration of my mind. It's the idea that at some point we pretty much all became overly fixated upon external gratification leading to feeling good. And so we all started running around, chasing after our various goals: sex, money, power, fame, adventure. All of these highs have something in common...they're about things/people outside of ourselves leading to feeling good.

This addiction to the external highs has left us wired in a way that we don't tend to realize how simple it is to feel good (once we're re-wired in a centered manner). In other words, I'm returning to the simplicity of feeling good simply because I can feel good, and letting go of my external addictions.

When I consider going deeper into this world of inner peace my ego says, "No! Don't do it! Think of all the good things you'll miss out on!" But I know that it's not about denying experiences of the world. It's about no longer depending upon them.

Eckhart Tolle is one of the most enlightened people I've ever witnessed (I've seen him in video form and believe he is truly at peace). He wasn't born with some special brain chemistry or neural wiring. He suffered greatly until he popped open and let go of his identification with his mind. Anyone can do it. It's such a powerful idea (the idea that any of us can become enlightened) that the ego rebels and looks for any addictive tendency that can keep one trapped in suffering.

When we become addicted to external events, we set ourselves up to be miserable until we get our next fix. We're always struggling and waiting, struggling and waiting, because we feel that with enough effort and patience we will get to that place of happiness. And it will look like the portrait we've painted in our mind that was so heavily influenced by our socialization. But we can release ourselves from the self-imposed prison of waiting for external things to occur. We can turn in this moment to a sense of okay-ness with ourselves, with what is.

If we are willing to release ourselves from the burden of attachment to other people behaving in ways we prefer them to behave, or events unfolding in a way that we consider to be "perfect", then we can start to inhabit ourselves with presence. Little things become enough. Yes, there are still challenges but we move through them mindfully and without so much fear that things will not work out, because we are never presented with any situation that we can not handle. Of course, our ego says, "Watch out! Be ever alert!" because if we stay in an animalistic state of fear, then the ego stays in control, and we never evolve beyond mere survival.

However, what is so exciting and empowering at this time on the planet for so many people who are finding that the socialized ways of being simply don't work anymore is the idea that we don't have to buy anything to feel good. We don't have to be loved by anyone other than ourselves to feel good. We don't have to get attention, or sex, or praise to be okay. We can shift our way of perceiving reality from a constant state of desire to an appreciation for the simplicity of what is. And when we do this, good feelings begin to become the norm. This is quite a contrast from the way most people live in which "good feelings" are reserved for special occasions.

We've been missing out on so much contentment by constantly struggling for external gratification. It may take practice to shift our focus to peacefulness, but it is well worth the energy to do so. We may find ourselves falling out of peace until we truly "get it" once and for all, but when we slip, we can just witness the slipping, and continue to realize that we've grown tired of the things that just don't work.

And so, there is a birthday that awaits us all. We can allow ourselves to be born into a simple presence, and release ourselves from the addiction to "I'll feel good when I get..."

Peace,
Chris

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Anger & Spiritual People

2010-01-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

I've noticed during the 12 years or so that I've been on the spiritual path, that anger is one of the most difficult emotions for spiritual people to access. Once we've had a glimpse of the beauty and majesty of divine peace, we understandably want to envision a world without anger. Anger is uncomfortable, unpleasant, and we sense it should have no place in the peaceful world we desire.

Nevertheless, the world is a collection of individuals, and it is unwise to assume that everyone will be healed any time soon. The reason for this is that people have varying degrees of karma to work through, and just because you may be reaching peace soon, doesn't mean everyone else will. There will be anger, and there will be aggression, and within you will still be feelings of anger until you are enlightened.

It's tempting to try to skip ahead and pretend to be enlightened before we actually are. We want to "fake it til we make it" or even delude ourselves into believing that we've attained a peaceful mind. However, in the process of being raised by unconscious people in an unconscious world we have accumulated experiences that have felt abrasive. Gestalt therapy does a good job of helping people understand that anger is part of the human experience, and is not something that needs to be suppressed or controlled. Anger needs to be expressed.

Sensitive, spiritual people, often don't know what to do with anger. They try to forgive those that they're angry at, but often times the anger keeps resurfacing.

The key to moving through anger is to allow yourself to acknowledge your anger without guilt, express it out loud and to the persons involved if they're still in your life, and to feel it fully. Only when we allow ourselves to feel anger fully can we release it. Once it is moved through, this allows the opportunity for authentic forgiveness as opposed to a well-intentioned but premature pseudo-forgiveness.

You can express anger without violating another person's rights. If you have felt traumatized by an angry person this can make it even more challenging, but you must understand that you have the right to feel and express your anger. If you just carry it around, it'll haunt you, and damage your relationships. You may fear that expressing your anger will lead to feeling out of control, and may unleash a rage that controls you. However, anger has much more power when it is unexpressed than when it is expressed.

If you want the relationships in your life to remain healthy, you have to allow yourself to express all of your feelings, including the unpleasant ones. You can't expect yourself or others to be perfect, and so events will arise in which someone feels tread upon. You can begin by saying, "I feel angry about {whatever the incident was}" and see where it goes.

You can't tiptoe through your relationships trying to avoid feelings because that will create a situation that is too fragile to be sustained. You must learn to trust that if a person in your life is really there for you, they can handle your anger, and it won't overwhelm them. If you're not allowed to ever be angry then it's probably best that the relationship ends because you can't be expected to not experience the full range of human emotions. If someone is abusive with their anger beyond reason, that's a different story. But to experience and express anger is part of the human experience, and must be allowed, even if our goal is to be spiritual and at peace.

Just because something isn't expressed doesn't mean it's not present.

Peace,
Chris

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God & i: Why do I feel uncomfortable with not knowing what is going to happen next?

2010-01-06T01:56:00.000-08:00

i've been "single" for a couple months now, and when i think about what will happen next, i feel anxiety sometimes because i simply don't know. i don't know how long i'll be single, who i'll be with, or what unforeseen things may happen. why do i feel so uncomfortable in these moments?

For many years you had a secure sense of tomorrow. You felt that you could predict comfortably what the future would look like. As George Kelly stated, this can be a powerful motivation for human behavior...to make life more predictable. But as you know (even when you forget), the spiritual aspect of life involved surrender and faith. When you trust in life, you trust the process, and therefore are not overly concerned because you know that it will unfold perfectly.

yes, but i suppose i sometimes fear that i'm not "doing" what i'm supposed to be doing to make whatever's supposed to happen...happen.

As you know (and again, even when you forget), if something is supposed to happen in your life such as a move, a business decision, or a relationship, it will happen, and you will be guided with no lack of clarity. If you're not feeling strongly guided in the moment, it's because the timing isn't right, and you don't have anything that you "need" to be doing. So, as the song that played today said, surrender.

what is this lingering sense of discomfort in my body that i'm currently feeling?

It is attachment. Your ego wants to scare you into submission so that you will be its servant. However, your true desire is to live in peace and to be yourself, which requires trust in the universe. After a period of unexpected change and grief, it's normal to feel a bit shakey. However, you know inside that you can only flow with life...you can't force it this way or that. So just continue to follow your inner guidance and pay attention to the feedback that the universe gives you. In other words, when you try things, see how they work. If they're not in flow, try something else until you find your flow. Pay attention to your wise self and continue to try to recognize what your ego sounds like so that you can ignore it.

thanks.

You're welcome.

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Reflecting Upon "Helper Addiction"

2009-12-24T02:39:00.000-08:00

There is a concept that is widely referred to as the "wounded healer" which I would like to explore in relation to myself. I reflected earlier today upon how helping another person produces a "high" in the brain similar to drugs, sex, and other behaviors that can become addictive.

Because helping another person is generally seen in a positive light, it can be a very clever way for the ego to maintain control. In other words, if you are addicted to helping others, you can go about your business, being the person people always call when they're down, and nobody will notice that you're an addict.

The ego loves you to stay addicted to something...anything...and it doesn't particularly care what your addiction is. As long as you do not have peace with yourself. As long as you are identified with doing instead of being, the ego is in control.

I have found that the universe helped me by taking away my opportunities to be helpful. The relationships in which I could serve as an ongoing helper crumbled, and I was left with myself. The obvious thing to do then was to learn how to help myself.

And out of that new focus, that new energy, I found that I had so much freedom. If I'm addicted to needing to help other people, then I need them to approve of me. If I need someone to approve of me, then they're the one who's running the show of my life. But if I can break the habit of "compulsive helping" (or "feeling alive" because I'm useful to another) then a whole new world opens up.

I realize that I'm a good person whether or not I'm helping someone. There are other ways to feel good, other ways to feel self-esteem. Ultimately, we all have to find peace with ourself, and the wounded healer is always at risk of losing peace by needing to be needed.

Opportunities to help another may arise naturally, and it is healthy to be of service if it feels congruent to do so. However, if we fall into the trap of needing to be seen as helpful, then we can unconsciously enable the dysfunction of others because if they ever feel good without us, we will be left without our "helping high." The universe can, as it did with me, take away opportunities to get high, like a heroin addict who loses his/her dealer, and then we are forced to detox, to withdraw from the chemicals in our brain that would elate us when we heard, "Thank you so much!"

What is left for the former helping addict is a recovery process. I realize that I can't treat people having problems as an exciting opportunity to prove that I have worth. I can simply see a person in distress as an opportunity to humbly be of service while remembering that whether or not they are helped by my action or non-action, it is not a reflection of my worth as a human being. True healing will occur when I know without a doubt that if I am at peace, that is enough.

Peace,
Chris

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God & i: Why do I have trouble admitting I was betrayed?

2009-12-21T02:18:00.000-08:00

it seems as though part of my current lesson involves understanding that i have resistance to admitting when i was betrayed. when i don't admit betrayal, it makes it hard to accept the limitations of the relationship with the person/s who betrayed me. i'd like some clarification on this.

Where shall we begin?

when was the first time i betrayed someone?

In this life it was when you first cheated on your partner, the night of catching snow on your tongue, the night before seeing the play Cats.

but i had already been betrayed before that. so i wasn't the first to betray someone.

You think that you were betrayed, but you were actually just left for another. You have no evidence that you were cheated upon, per say. And you understand that it was for the best as she wanted marriage and you ultimately wouldn't have been happy with her.

it hurt when i was abandoned.

Yes, because you were highly attached to your first sexual relationship. You felt that it would and should last forever. This is common. This is why sexual relationships at a young age are so emotionally intense. Not many people at the age of 16 have a grounded sense of self. Therefore, the extreme pleasure of sexuality leads to a great deal of attachment.

did i have karma coming into this life related to being betrayed.

On a certain level, our slates are clean. You have tendencies, but you have no predestined behaviors. You can choose to betray, or not. You can choose to be with someone who you feel is likely to betray you, or not. Whatever you choose, you will learn something that will help you grow. Additionally, what you learn will help you help others more effectively due to increased empathy.

so why do i feel resistance to admitting when i was betrayed?

You understand that anything people do that is not from the heart came from fear, and is therefore not real. However, you have to see things clearly in all cases, which means admitting limitations even when it is painful. Part of what causes the pain is fear of change. When you were betrayed in the past, it meant big changes were necessary, and they were challenging. But they helped you to move in a direction that was best for you...a direction that you were not choosing on your own due to your codependence.

and so it appears again.

Yes, you can delude yourself into believing you're comfortable even when you don't feel good in your body. If you don't feel good in your body, something is wrong. If you don't change the path you're on, eventually it will (sometimes painfully) be changed for you.

and so resistance to admitting betrayal is resistance to change.

Yes, in large part. Additionally, you have to balance seeing that all people are good and worthy of forgiveness with the more yang perspective that if you do not set boundaries you will be used. You can't confuse pity with love. You can't confuse forgiveness with fulfillment. You have to admit that if you are not happy in a relationship, you can not find happiness through forcing the other person into greater consciousness. If the other person repeatedly does not show integrity at a level that you possess, it is best to let go and invite in a form of mirroring that matches your own. People change during relationships, and if one doesn't keep up with the other in terms of integrity or other aspects of positive attributes, you can't hold yourself back. You can't put on the brakes after passing someone or they'll slam into the back of your vehicle. You have to keep going forward, even if that means letting go.

i understand this better now. thank you.

You're welcome.

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God & i: Trying to have the same kind of day twice in a row.

2009-12-09T22:39:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to throw out something i've been realizing and see what you have to say about it. it seems that if i have a paritcularly good day, i sometimes try to use the same "formula" the following day. i try to do the same things, in somewhat of a similar pattern. and it doesn't work very well.

In what way does it not work?

i don't feel as good as the day before when it was working for me. it seems that if i try to live like the film "groundhog day" it isn't rewarded. life is cyclical, but it seems that i have to customize each day.

Yes, it's like thinking. If you are exploring new thoughts, and headed in new directions, you will discover things and it'll feel good. But if you're ruminating, it'll lead to feeling stagnation and a dreary kind of dullness. Just because you're 42 doesn't mean that things are winding down or slowing down. Your life is always renewing itself. You're healthy, bright, and entering a new chapter of your life...so do so with optimism and integrity.

thank you. it seems that when it comes to how i move through my day it's more important to tune into what feels right in the moment instead of what worked yesterday.

Absolutely. You've created a flexible life for yourself. Everyone can choose what they want to do in every moment, but because of the flexibility of your life, there are more choices available at any given moment. Choose what you feel in your body is going to be the most rewarding. That could mean, as you just thought, that it would feel good to empty your dishwasher so that you'll have a sense of completion with that. It could mean writing a blog, playing a game, watching a show, or some other endeavor. It's not so important what you accomplish as it is to learn how to listen to your feelings/body and follow your inner guidance. There is no rush to complete anything. If you sail at the same speed as the wind, you'll feel in flow. Push it and you'll tip over. Resist and you'll feel stuck.

thank you. i think i got what i needed here.

You're welcome.

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God & i: Am I over-interested in others?

2009-11-27T01:08:00.000-08:00

i was finding myself disturbed by the idea that i seem to be more interested in other people than i am in myself.

Why does that disturb you?

because i sense that i should, in a sense, put myself first in terms of my focus.

Why?

because otherwise i'm meddling in other people's life.

You can be interested in others without meddling.

yes, but why am i more interested in others than myself?

You know yourself fairly well, and so the way to know yourself even better is to know yourself in relationship to others...to communicate, interact, and observe. Underneath the surface differences there are core similarities that help you better understand the human experience. You're afraid that you don't have a "strong sense of self" while at the same time you're working on diminishing your "self" by clinging less to the ego, and connecting more with a spiritual identity. The spiritual identity you seek is less about a defined sense of self and a more ethereal state. If you surrender to it then you can enjoy it. But if you fear that you don't have a strong sense of self, you'll worry.

there is saying that "you have to have a self before you can dissolve it." what if i'm attempting to dissolve myself before i have one?

You can choose to let go of your ego-based self at any point you choose, and when you are consistently connected to your divine self, you will not "miss" the ego self. The only fear of "missing" one's self comes from the ego state. However, if you are willing to just surrender to your guidance and only do what you feel guided to do...then you'll be a part of the universal flow.

so if i surrender i may be guided to focus on others more than myself?

You will always be learning about yourself from your relationships. There is no need to beat yourself up because you are curious about people. Your primary motivation in your relationships is to grow and help grow...to heal and help heal. You know that even if your ego interferes with the process of evolution, your overall concern is motivated by positive growth.

i do believe this. thanks.

You're welcome.

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God & i: Who is the messenger behind synchronicity?

2009-08-10T18:54:00.001-07:00

it seems clear that synchronistic incidents often contain a message. i recognize that sometime they are ego-testing or reflective, but what about incidents in which they are predictive/guiding. what or "who" is behind that message?

Why is that important to you?

i'm a curious person. i like to know how things work.

Are you sure it's best to uncover all mystery, to replace all faith with understanding?

i'm certainly not afraid of understanding something.

Do you believe that it is time for understanding when you feel it is time?

i'm just checking out how this works...the dialoguing with God thing.

That's not all you're doing, however...and it's important to understand the process as well as the answer you desire. Not everything has to be fully understood to be useful. Synchronicity does often contain a message, but its source is less important than your ability to discern what kind of synchronicity it is. On the night of 9/11/01, after all of that turmoil in your country, you wrote Four Types of Synchronicity (http://SynchronicityTimes.com/) while others had much more earthly concerns on their minds. Why do you think it came to you at this time?

it seems like i was tempted into being frustrated that others weren't interested in these ideas even though i recognized their importance.

This is an ongoing theme with which you struggle. You see how celebrity does not bring peace and yet there is a part of you that would like to imitate spiritual-celebrities, despite a recognition that their lifestyle is not appealing to you.

this is true. although it is lessening as i understand that i don't want to travel and speak in front of people and appear on Oprah. i used to want these things to fill me up, but i'm now recognizing that i don't really want fame. however, i would like to do my part to increase awareness when i feel motivated to do so, even if it only reaches a small percentage of people.

And perhaps only a small percentage of people are interested in what you're interested in at this time...which in no way lessens its importance. If quantity was all that matters than films based on comic book heroes would be the most important information available on the planet.

speaking of information, what is the source of synchronicity?

It is the same source as all truth. You can split God up into various subsets. You can say there are spirit guides, ascended masters, etc., but in the realm of spirit there is only truth. Synchronicity comes from truth. It comes from God/Universal Consciousness/however you'd like to label it. Synchronicity doesn't give you orders because you're not here to just follow...you're here to develop your own sense of what is most useful in this moment. Synchronicity can guide you when you are open to it, but it can never make all of your decisions for you.

can it make some of my decisions for me?

It can help mirror back to you that which is on your mind, and help you tune into your greatest wisdom which is your feelings, your inner guidance. Rarely does synchronicity "come out of the blue" with no relevance to what you're thinking about. The fact that you're thinking about something when you have a synchronistic experience, such as a song lyric reflecting your thoughts, is like the universe taking a highlighting pen and saying "Pay attention to this." But you are the one who will make a choice, or not.

how is it orchestrated so that the songs that are played on radios can "speak" to so many people?

Every decision, be it made by a person, or a machine, can be influenced by higher vibrational forces such as God/Truth/The Universe. A person making a radio programming decision may think that they're making a logical choice, but the truth is that all beings can be influenced by spirit without conscious knowledge of that influence. Also, a machine that is designed to play songs randomly can be influenced by spirit. All of this influence comes from the fact that despite it being hard to believe for most people, there is a source of wisdom that is available to all, and when you're open to it, you receive guidance. Dreams need not be the only source of guidance. You don't have to rely upon the words of others. You can get direct guidance whenever you want it, but it requires faith that there are systems in place that are not governed wholly by what the majority of people refer to as logic.

i think i got it. thanks.

No problem.

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Here is the NEWS: Which Monkey Threw Its Feces?

2009-06-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

I recall when Walter Cronkite hosted the evening news. I was a child at the time and was smart enough to pay attention to my giant lincoln log constructions and lego designs. I was too busy enjoying creating and imagining to pay attention to what was going on in the world.

National news occurred only half an hour a day...and that was more than enough in my mind.

I recall when CNN came on the scene. It was the same thing, pretty much, every half hour, over and over again.

Now we have CNN, Headline News, CNBC, Fox News, MSNBC, etc. trying to fill up too much space with too little real news. The only way that this much space could be filled was to add the component of opinion.

There is very little difference between opinion and gossip. In fact, a lot of what you see on news channels is clearly gossip. In the book "The Four Agreements" it's suggested that you don't gossip if you want to enjoy your life. So why is gossip so prevalent? Why do we care what Rush Limbaugh said whether we're conservative or liberal? I believe it's all about the desire to distract one's self from personal pain.

Why are so many people in pain? Well, there are surely billions of individual reasons, but I'd like to share my perspective on some common sources of suffering:

1. People are lying. Well, not all the time. But for the most part, people are telling the truth when it suits them. I don't recommend being honest all the time to people who have power over you, but in your relationships of choice...tell the truth. In "Reflections on Physical Immortality" in my book Unification, I suggest that the spirit craves an authentic experience in this world. If we're not providing our spirit with an authentic experience because we're afraid of speaking the truth, we manifest illness, accidents, and...eventually...death. If you want to live indefinitely, I suggest being an honest person. It'll keep you healthy and sane.

2. People believe the Earth is dying. In the 80's I recall an underlying dread that there would be a nuclear war. I fed this fear, in part, to distract myself from the more personal anxieties of my teen years. I was certain that the world would eventually self-destruct in a nuclear annihilation. But it didn't. People are now talking about global warming as if we're doomed...past the point of healing. However, if you watch the Science Channel instead of the fear-based news, you can find many solutions are already in place for dealing with any problem we are facing. They just may not be as interesting as the thought of the world ending. If you believe that your life is ending within a matter of decades (because you're not aware of physical immortality), then it's easy to project your perceived mortality on the world. It's easy to cope with personal mortality by believing the world is dying off soon. However, people have been projecting that for thousands of years, using religious imagery, plagues and wars to believe "that's it" and yet there are more people here then ever. Human beings could benefit from not breeding so much, but regardless, you're not on a dying planet. It's all a matter of whether or not you choose to focus on fear or healing.

3. Projection of guilt is another factor that perpetuates an infatuation with gossip. Oh these horrible people! I could never do that! (But the things I've done...oh the things I've done...I could never tell you because you can't handle it). We've all done some pretty messed up stuff. To heal our guilt, we can find people in our life who can accept what we've done without rejecting us. It may not be easy to find, but ultimately, whatever we've done is okay. Nothing deserves "the death penalty" because if we are willing to change and become empathic, we can let go of our guilt. If we carry guilt from the past that is unresolved, our ego will attempt to find scapegoats upon which we unburden our shame...but this just suppresses our guilt more deeply. I found that my partner could handle my truth, and so I shared with her until there was nothing left to be embarrassed about...and it helped me realize I don't need to feel bad about myself. This is the healing power of love, forgiveness and acceptance.

So work on your stuff. Whatever it is that is torturing you psychologically, deal with it directly. Talk to your family about the way you feel and any past hurts that remain unfinished business. Live by your values. Stop focusing on what you "do" as a way to "feel" something and realize that you'll feel good if you're being your authentic self.

Realize that you have more interesting things to talk about with the people in your life than whatever the news media decides is important. We may enjoy having a "common topic" to discuss such as the Iranian election, but it is more important to communicate what is going on inside of your thoughts, what you are feeling, and who you really are.

Peace,
Chris

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The "Herd Mystique"

2009-06-22T11:32:00.001-07:00

I once read a quote from Carl Jung in which he talked about the greatest challenge of one's life being the ability to break away from the herd mystique.

It resonated, though I didn't understand it fully. Contextually, it seems that he was saying that our tendency is to "fit in to the herd" and that to be a truly differentiated and whole individual, we must stop trying to "fit in" and live fully within our own truth.

It has been perhaps a decade since I heard that quote, and I believe that I understand it more deeply than ever before. I've pretty much dropped out of normal existence (shopping, restaurants, movie theaters, malls, museums, parks, etc. no longer appeal to me) and am more focused on finding myself without the energetic interruptance of people with whom I don't share an authentic connection.

There is a certain kind of comfort that one can feel by being part of a group. I'm not currently participating in any kind of group, and am instead experiencing my own energy, or 1 on 1 energy with my partner Amanda. I believe that the comfort that came from being in groups, even if I didn't feel an authentic connection or even true safety with the group, came from this herd mystique element of perceived safety.

We can be guided by our biology, or by our spirit. Our body comes from a long lineage of animal evolution, and our body was designed for survival. Being survival-based made a lot of sense at the time, but it's time for humanity to evolve beyond mere survival. When our species existed in the Cro-Magnon period, it made sense to bond in groups for survival against dangerous animals and harsh weather. As we attempt to individuate, and find our true selves, it's important to be able to take care of ourselves as individuals on the level of survival, and not be dependent upon others. Dependence leads to compromise and sacrifice that can get you away from being yourself.

It's important to know that your relationships are by choice, not because of neediness. When I was having trouble manifesting money in the past, I would unconsciously keep more people in my life so I could have people to borrow money from or even stay at their place should I be in too much financial trouble. Part of what allowed me to start bringing money into my life was a willingness to not compromise in relationships. When I trusted the universe would protect me, I could let go of relationships in which I didn't feel met. Friendships and family connections that didn't feel reciprocal no longer felt "worth it" so I ended them, or let them fade away.

It was scary in some respects, because I am genetically programmed to feel safer when I have a large tribe. Nevertheless, I feel closer to my authentic self than I ever have before...and I'll continue to break free from this biologically leftover desire to fit into an incongruent herd. I am committed to quality over quantity.

Peace,
Chris

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Feeling Good (Through Contrast)

2009-06-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

You can breathe in and out at an even pace, and this is peace.

You can hold your breath for as long as you can so it feels really good when you start intensely breathing again, and this is how most people are living.

I've found that since I started working for myself at home, and removing negative relationships from my life, there is less of a contrast between bad and good feelings. I used to feel as though going to an amusement park, the Grand Canyon, snow skiing, etc. would be a high that would feel good in contrast to how I felt in my day to day life as a student.

Now I find less of a draw towards seeking "high" activities because my daily existence is relatively enjoyable. In the past I would miss these highs, but I'm now finding that the transition into a peaceful mind requires letting go of extreme contrasts. We can remember the highs and forget the lows. To have a high, there must be something to contrast that with.

I feel as though there is a natural draw towards the middle when one is enjoying what they do. I didn't enjoy going to school or traditional work, so I would think of ways of getting some kind of thrill...such as a new sex partner. Our ego can crave extremes because it keeps us in a kind of survival mode instead of a state of being. A peaceful existence can be enough if we tell ourselves it is enough. We have to ignore the ego's message of constantly desiring more thrills.

I saw Kurt Vonnegut speak about 20 years ago, and he spoke about how most people think they want their life to look like a series of hills and valleys. He said that we believe a good life is one of great highs and lows, but that what we really want is more like a straight line. At the time I didn't "get it" because I wanted highs and lows. After all, that's what happened in the TV shows and movies I saw...lots of extremes. But now I understand what Vonnegut was saying. He understood that staying in the middle, experiencing peace, was where it's at.

I feel as though I'm content to live a more simple life now, and that if something comes up that disturbs my peace, I'll use my inner guidance, creativity, and strategic thinking to resolve that disturbance...returning me to my peacefulness.

Peace,
Chris

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Synchronicity Blows My Mind!

2009-06-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

Before I begin, I wanted to recommend checking out http://SynchronicityTimes.com/ for more of my thoughts on this topic.

Okay, here's what I've been realizing lately: synchronicity is a trip!

For the first 30 or so years of my life, I was an atheist and believed that linear science could explain everything. I justified selfish actions because I felt that time was running out and when I was dead, I would have no state of "being" or "memory" or "consciousness" so nothing I did would matter in any way whatsoever.

Then I had my spiritual awakening, and started experiencing synch (abbreviation for synchronicity) in divination (tarot, i ching) and through music, tv, etc. Something was going on and my mind was being blown out of the linear into the non-linear realm of spirituality.

Synch has been striking me lately as a form of tangible proof (for those who are open to experiencing it) that something else is going on in our experience that can not be explained. It is a kind of spiritual portal to all kinds of possibilities.

Is synch a message from our future selves (I don't think the future has happened yet, by definition so probably not). Is synch a message from aliens/advanced beings/disembodied guides/ascended masters? I don't know, but when you experience a degree of synch that is beyond statistical explanation...it opens you up.

Since 1997 or so I've been interested in physical immortality in the sense that you don't have to die. I've been intrigued by The Celestine Prophecy's idea of the material and spiritual realms merging, thus ending the birth-death cycle. This seems correct to me.

It seems that it's easy for the logical mind to rule out such concepts as physical immortality as ridiculous. It's easy to say, "Death is just a part of life." But it seems to me that if something so completely whack as synch is possible, then what else is possible?

Synch makes no "sense" but that's okay. That doesn't mean it's not happening. When you open yourself up to being guided, and let down your logical "guards" you'll experience a very different kind of reality than most people are having. It's good to have your mind blown, so to speak. If the reality you were taught by your society is all you know, then you are underutilizing your life since there is so much more to experience than what has presented to you by the mainstream.

Peace,
Chris

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What to do with that extra money?

2009-06-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

For awhile I wasn't sure what to do with the extra money that I was making. I've heard Tony Robbins state that some people who aren't comfortable having money need to get rid of it. After being poor most of my adult life I think that I had become used to not having money, and was uncomfortable when I started making it.

So I considered giving it to charity. I've given money to fight Parkinson's disease which my dad had, as well as other causes such as Goats for Rwandans. But something left me feeling less moved than Jack Nicholson's character in "About Schmidt" which brought me to tears. Something wasn't filling me up with this giving.

So I started pondering about what it is that I wanted to accomplish with this life and realized that I wanted to live off the interest of the money I have so I'm not energetically interconnected with people who make decisions about my ability to support myself. In other words, it felt like I wanted to break away from a kind of perpetual adolescence that is related to having to have a source of income. It's a big goal, but I think I can do it...and that the universe will support it.

I realized that if I want to help people, I want to help people I know and care about...people who I trust, people who have values I respect. I realized that when it comes to helping the "sick" that my belief in philosophies such as Louise Hay's ideas about how we manifest illness are incongruent with the idea that sick people need medical research which needs money. I also have realized that much of the famine and suffering that is going on worldwide is the result of people breeding who aren't in a position to take care of children. As Michael Jackson sang, "If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby." Wiser words were never sung :)

Overpopulation is the cause of so much of the negative experiences people are having, so why does this continue unquestioned? Because with the exception of areas such as China where they've accepted that overpopulation is out of control, having children is a fundamental right that people embrace...and no spiritual philosopher like me is going to influence their choice (or at least only rarely would I influence such a choice).

As we transition from animal to spirit, our challenge is to transcend animalistic programming and make spiritual choices. Birth control is available almost everywhere, as are abortions. But people often choose to breed even if the resources available to their "children to be" are scarce. The perpetuation of our genes (sociobiological motivation) has been what has controlled our behavior for millenia. However, if we switch our focus to perpetuating ourselves (physical immortality) then we will feel less desperation to have offspring.

If you live on a planet that is not supporting its current inhabitants' basic needs, it is, on a certain level, unempathic to create more inhabitants. It's justified by feeling that one's own offspring are more important than others, which is understandable, but I feel that many people who are becoming infertile, or not finding a partner before their biological clock runs out are not being "punished" by the universe...they are being guided to a different way of looking at life. Life can be seen as an opportunity to heal ourselves fully and allow our healed selves to raise the vibration of those who are already here. Breeding is too often a form of "giving up" psychologically on one's own well being and hoping that the children will do better, thus providing a vicarious experience. It doesn't work. I don't know anyone who has a healthy family. I'm sure they exist...but I've never met someone with a healthy family.

So, I suggest that people consider perpetuating themselves through physical immortality (ideas on this can be explored at http://ropi.net/) instead of perpetuating their genes (partially) through breeding. Of course, by the time I finish this post, many people will have had more babies...and this will most likely continue for a long time. But I write not for the masses so much as those questioning the way things are usually done. Eventually, we may shift our focus from breeding to being. Until then, I'll just keep sharing my ideas as best I can in case they resonate with others who are sensing a similar shift.

Peace,
Chris

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YOU Get to Decide What's Important!

2009-06-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

I was reflecting today on how there are so many sources that are ready to tell you what you should consider important.

If you want to break free from your socialization it's important to think for yourself, and decide for yourself what is important.

For example, the news/media has a general agreement on what is currently important in our culture. Yuck. What an Orwellian way to live...to just talk about/think about what the current headline stories are. It's weird how quickly the narrative will change...and suddenly that swine flu we thought might kill millions of people fades away. I believe that soon "the economy" will no longer be the big scary topic it was...and all that time people spent fearing The Next Great Depression will have been a Great Depressing Waste of Time.

What will you think about when you're no longer buying into what religion/school/work/news/politicians etc. tell you is important?

I would suggest tuning in to your own life. Figure out what is working and what is not working...and focus on enjoying what is working with gratitude, and doing what you can to improve what is not working.

Your mind is your own property, so of course take in whatever I have to say with that same template of discernment (if your intuition guides you to do so).

I believe that "mind is commodity" in terms of how there are so many sources vying for your mind. Advertising, for example, presents a pretty limited view of reality. The people are always symmetrical and height-weight proportioned, and the enviroment they are in is neat and tidy...so you can associate their product with beauty and aesthetics...and happiness.

It's obviously been analyzed ad infinitum, but I suggest doing something about it. Get a DVR (digitial video recorder) and bypass commercials. Don't take in information that is not designed to help you grow.

So much of your experience of reality is in your mind...so take it back. Take back your mind from the external sources that have told you what is important. You have to turn in to what James Hillman in "The Soul's Code" calls the "daimon" which is the acorn inside of you that has the blueprint for your path...the plans for your oak tree. In other words, what is truly important exists within you, so stop caring about the things that other sources tell you to care about (unless you care about them too).

Peace,
Chris

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Psychic Readings, Tarot Readers, Psychics

2008-09-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

I believe that psychics are real. I grew up thinking they were liars trying to take your money, and was annoyed by phone psychics on tv.

After I started working with tarot cards, performing tarot card readings for myself and friends, I started to understand that logic couldn't explain the patterns I was seeing.

As I began letting go of my logic-based view of the world, I started developing my own psychic abilities, and realized that beneath the world we see are subtle energies that allow for intuitive information to be perceived.

We can't see any of this esoteric world if we're not open to it. Now that I'm open to it, I receive information every day that helps guide me towards my true path.

So I've come full circle, from a non-believer/cynic to someone who sees that tarot readers and psychics are real...and can help others see themselves with greater clarity.

Peace,
Chris

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Too much spaciousness!

2008-09-06T18:53:00.001-07:00

One of the reasons I'm doing this blog is because I currently feel like I have too much spaciousness in my life, and I can see that by writing down whatever is on my mind I can fill some of this space with some sharing.

In the process of sharing I might just be able to "EMPTY MY MIND" with some of the things that float around within it.

Unlike many things I've done on the Internet (biz sites, youtube, yahoo groups) I feel a relatively low amount of pressure to "succeed" as a blogger, which is liberating. There are just SO MANY blogs out there that to enter this endeavor with the idea of competing feels unrealistic.

I'm reminded of when I had a group counseling class and the teacher suggested those of us who were addicted to getting A's all the time might want to choose to get no better than a B to break the perfectionism habit, and in exchange for that "letting go of achieving" we wouldn't have to write a paper for the class.

It felt great to not have that pressure.

And now, somewhat ironically, I'm writing again...on a blog.

Peace,
Chris

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My first IMAGE...Biscuit the CAT!

2008-09-06T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm about to try inserting an image...why not?

Okay, it worked pretty easily. This little furry friend is Biscuit, who just recently turned 3 years old.
My partner found her abandoned in a drawer in a storage space next to her home. At first I was afraid that raising Biscuit would be too much stress as Amanda was focused on her work and keeping in harmony.
But it became clear that this little angel was someone who we could not ignore, who we could not give away.
Biscuit is now a full grown cat who lives to have fun, to learn, and to help us heal. I love her very much, and I love our other cats Bobo, Bowser & Tammy!

Peace,
Chris

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Why I support Obama over McCain

2008-09-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

I think that Obama is pure.

I sense that McCain is unhealed...and angry.

I believe that Biden is genuine.

And it seems that Palin is angry...and her closet is full of skeletons.
I think that anyone promoting Creationism in public schools is operating from the old paradigm, and doesn't deserve to have political power in this new era.

Peace,
Chris

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VIDEO vs. WRITTEN WORD

2008-09-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

I have a schism between video and written word on the Internet.

I say I prefer video, but when I think about it, I actually read text more often than I watch videos.

And yet, I enjoy creating videos at http://youtube.com/UnificationNow which I recommend to anyone who is into personal growth, expansion of the mind.

So as I begin this blogging adventure, I must admit that although I may say I prefer video to the written word, I actually read a lot of news, blogs, and other articles that I find through http://Digg.com

I publicly admit that I'm a READER and that I don't spend time browsing youtube because I find most youtube videos understimulating.

Peace,
Chris

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My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss

2008-09-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

I love the show My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss which is currently on my tv. It's being replayed on the Fox Reality Channel which I rarely watch. This show is hilarious because it plays with egos, and is brilliantly acted. It's disguised to be like The Apprentice, but it is a complete spoof with completely arbitrary challenges.

If anyone has a chance to check it out I highly recommend it.

Peace,
Chris

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On Psychics, Tarot Readings and Divination Readers

2008-09-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

I would like to first share a little about myself. I've decided to blog about whatever I'm up to, while watching tv, hanging out, listening to music, or whatever else is on mind.

I wanted to mention that I support myself by marketing psychic sites which allows me to work from home, and have plenty of time to blog and share my ideas. I'll mention these sites at the end of my blogs in order to help continue to support myself :)

However, even if you don't have any interest in psychics I'll be sharing ideas and perceptions that you mind interesting from the standpoint of unusual insights and beliefs. I don't fit in to the modern day world and wouldn't want to. I believe that people are highly influenced by their socialization and that the key to becoming yourself as to speak your truth to anyone you can in your life.

Now a little bit about how I got started in my psychic business...

I've had a great deal of experience interviewing psychics for the Online Psychics & Divination Readers Directory. In that process I've found that some readers are more attuned than others. I've also discovered over the years that some psychics will tell you whatever you want.

I created http://www.PsychicDeals.com , a psychic reading site, years ago to serve as a place where people can find a reader that is affordable. So I've located psychic reading sites that allow are currently offering deals such as 3 Free Minutes, $10 for Ten Minutes with a Reader, $20 worth of readings for $10, and $1.99 for 10 Minutes.

I am also, personally, a tarot reader. I no longer do readings for money but continue to do readings for myself and for my partner.

I also created a site at http://LiveReaders.com that represents what I feel to be currently the most reputable site combined with a great deal. That site is currently representing Psychic Source.

Peace,
Chris

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Not feeling it.

2007-03-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling it right now.

Peace,
Chris

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